Life’s Demons
Everyone has quirks about themselves that they may not appreciate. For example, I’ve had an irrational fear of clocks since I was a young kid. You cannot choose your personality or the struggles we deal with in everyday life. Baggage causes a heavy weight upon our shoulders, and the trials people all have to face at points in life are hard. For me, my struggles came earlier than most. My sophomore year of high school I discovered I had a hard time up in the morning, go to sleep at night, or even step outside of the comfortable shell of my room. I stared into my mirror every night and wept. Emptiness and sorrow absorbed my thoughts and my heart. I found it unfathomable that there was any way I could be accepted by myself, my peers, or my family. Finally, my parents and I decided I needed to go to therapy and get the support I desired. I walked into the room of my therapist, Joy, and connected with her. She made me grin and laugh which I hadn't done for the longest time. Later that night, at the dinner table, my dad told a joke, and sorrow consumed my mother and tears streamed down her face. “Addie that is the first time I’ve seen that lovely smile of yours in so long. I couldn’t tell you how much I missed it", my mother said.
Being an immature self-consumed teenager just went back to eating and replied, “Mom, can you quit making a big deal out of nothing.” I didn’t understand that people surrounded me by love and compassion, there to help me. My best friend had supported me the entire time I was struggling with all of my self-esteem and depression issues, and I didn't take the time to notice. Soon after that conversation, I felt better. I let my friends back into my life and opened up to them telling them what happened. My doctor and I had found a medication that balanced out the chemicals in my brain. I confided in my best friend more than I should have. I ranted to her about problems in my life and vice versa. One day she called me and told me she didn’t want to play a large role in my life anymore. She told me I had done nothing wrong, but she didn’t need me in her life anymore. This upset me, but later I realized that ending that unhealthy friendship is one of the best things that could have happened. In class a few weeks later I heard someone say, “Addie, I’m back.” Zoned out, I asked who had said something. No one heard it. A couple minutes later two familiar voices continued to talk amongst each other and to me. I understood that no one in the room had said anything to me. Extremely confused as to where the voices came from, I realized they wouldn’t stop. They babbled on and on. The longer the voices continued, the louder the voices got until I became so overwhelmed with confusion and anxiety that I really didn't seem real anymore. They spoke louder at night. I began not being able to sleep; I was beginning to remember events from my childhood that had been too overwhelming at the time to comprehend, therefore I pushed the memories to the deepest part of my brain. I first
Everyone has quirks about themselves that they may not appreciate. For example, I’ve had an irrational fear of clocks since I was a young kid. You cannot choose your personality or the struggles we deal with in everyday life. Baggage causes a heavy weight upon our shoulders, and the trials people all have to face at points in life are hard. For me, my struggles came earlier than most. My sophomore year of high school I discovered I had a hard time up in the morning, go to sleep at night, or even step outside of the comfortable shell of my room. I stared into my mirror every night and wept. Emptiness and sorrow absorbed my thoughts and my heart. I found it unfathomable that there was any way I could be accepted by myself, my peers, or my family. Finally, my parents and I decided I needed to go to therapy and get the support I desired. I walked into the room of my therapist, Joy, and connected with her. She made me grin and laugh which I hadn't done for the longest time. Later that night, at the dinner table, my dad told a joke, and sorrow consumed my mother and tears streamed down her face. “Addie that is the first time I’ve seen that lovely smile of yours in so long. I couldn’t tell you how much I missed it", my mother said.
Being an immature self-consumed teenager just went back to eating and replied, “Mom, can you quit making a big deal out of nothing.” I didn’t understand that people surrounded me by love and compassion, there to help me. My best friend had supported me the entire time I was struggling with all of my self-esteem and depression issues, and I didn't take the time to notice. Soon after that conversation, I felt better. I let my friends back into my life and opened up to them telling them what happened. My doctor and I had found a medication that balanced out the chemicals in my brain. I confided in my best friend more than I should have. I ranted to her about problems in my life and vice versa. One day she called me and told me she didn’t want to play a large role in my life anymore. She told me I had done nothing wrong, but she didn’t need me in her life anymore. This upset me, but later I realized that ending that unhealthy friendship is one of the best things that could have happened. In class a few weeks later I heard someone say, “Addie, I’m back.” Zoned out, I asked who had said something. No one heard it. A couple minutes later two familiar voices continued to talk amongst each other and to me. I understood that no one in the room had said anything to me. Extremely confused as to where the voices came from, I realized they wouldn’t stop. They babbled on and on. The longer the voices continued, the louder the voices got until I became so overwhelmed with confusion and anxiety that I really didn't seem real anymore. They spoke louder at night. I began not being able to sleep; I was beginning to remember events from my childhood that had been too overwhelming at the time to comprehend, therefore I pushed the memories to the deepest part of my brain. I first