The bus ride to school was unusually quiet on that fateful day. Typically there was loud talking, irritated honking, and a general liveliness on the bus, but there was nothing but silence then. It was almost as if the world knew what was going to happen, and held its breath in anticipation.
Unaware of my upcoming future, I sat patiently in the back like always, staring out the window with a blank face. I watched the redwoods and buildings blur by, all too familiar with the sight. After a half hour of waiting, the bus finally came to a stop and opened its doors. I stood up, grabbed my backpack, and headed out, somewhat sentimental about the day.
This is the last class, huh. I don't know if I should feel excited or sad about it. The past four …show more content…
I had spent the last four years all by myself. Though I had done well academically, I hadn't made any friends, much less a girlfriend, and found myself stuck in a cycle of sleeping, eating, and going to class. I desperately wanted to be social, to go to parties and have fun, but my fear of failure held me back. To change my cycle meant risking everything, as it was the only thing I really had. What if I made a fool of myself, and everyone mocked me because of it? What if the teachers heard of my embarrassment, and decided to tell my parents? I already felt like I was under pressure because of my age, and I didn't want to make my situation any worse. There was only so much I could control in life, and other people were not part of …show more content…
My answer to it was obvious: I'd cry, of course. The hypothetical would be nothing short of torture. I mean, surely there was some moment in my life -- a birthday party or celebration or something -- that I'd be glad to relive, but at the time I could hardly think of one. My life had been utterly boring up until this point; all I did was follow other people's requests. Sure, my classmates and teachers thought I was extremely smart and praised me for it, but I didn't care about that -- their compliments meant nothing to me. I only studied hard because my parents expected greatness from me. I only came to class on time because my teachers expected punctuality. And I only followed the rules because everyone expected civility. Nothing I did was genuine, as I had sacrificed myself -- my goals, dreams, and wishes -- to satisfy the people around
Unaware of my upcoming future, I sat patiently in the back like always, staring out the window with a blank face. I watched the redwoods and buildings blur by, all too familiar with the sight. After a half hour of waiting, the bus finally came to a stop and opened its doors. I stood up, grabbed my backpack, and headed out, somewhat sentimental about the day.
This is the last class, huh. I don't know if I should feel excited or sad about it. The past four …show more content…
I had spent the last four years all by myself. Though I had done well academically, I hadn't made any friends, much less a girlfriend, and found myself stuck in a cycle of sleeping, eating, and going to class. I desperately wanted to be social, to go to parties and have fun, but my fear of failure held me back. To change my cycle meant risking everything, as it was the only thing I really had. What if I made a fool of myself, and everyone mocked me because of it? What if the teachers heard of my embarrassment, and decided to tell my parents? I already felt like I was under pressure because of my age, and I didn't want to make my situation any worse. There was only so much I could control in life, and other people were not part of …show more content…
My answer to it was obvious: I'd cry, of course. The hypothetical would be nothing short of torture. I mean, surely there was some moment in my life -- a birthday party or celebration or something -- that I'd be glad to relive, but at the time I could hardly think of one. My life had been utterly boring up until this point; all I did was follow other people's requests. Sure, my classmates and teachers thought I was extremely smart and praised me for it, but I didn't care about that -- their compliments meant nothing to me. I only studied hard because my parents expected greatness from me. I only came to class on time because my teachers expected punctuality. And I only followed the rules because everyone expected civility. Nothing I did was genuine, as I had sacrificed myself -- my goals, dreams, and wishes -- to satisfy the people around