Resource Center, 2011 stated, “Only one-half of the husbands felt comfortable with the level of companionship and sexual intimacy in their marriages. Likewise, one-half of dual military couples in the Air Force had reservations about wives remaining on active duty.” This report shows that even when both spouses are in military service, deployments and the separation associated with them begin to cause tension on the relationship over time.
Deployments
Military service members have the challenge of being deployed, often in life or death-situations, the spouse is forced to learn to care for and support their partner through a long-distance relationship, care for the home in some cases, be a single parent. Not all newly married spouses prepares for the testing of the marriage and their fortitude during the military deployment. One wife wrote, “Over the next several years, I continued to feel like my life had spun out of control and somehow the army was to blame for all of it. I gained weight; I sprouted gray hairs (my twenty-seventh birthday present!), and I was just somewhat mad at the world. Brandon and I continued to plug along as a married couple, but it was not easy. Then came the most dreaded thing of all—orders for Brandon to go to Iraq for twelve to eighteen months! His deployment tested every ounce of my being and pushed our marriage nearly to the breaking point” (Dawalt, 2007). I will not address the injured warriors in this gathering that had had issues with their marriages; however, I will mention the Soldiers that have mental issues that resulted from being away from their family during a deployment. Depression Deployed spouses expressed feelings of guilt for leaving their spouses resulted in feelings of depression, loneliness, anxiety, and worry for their partners' safety and even anger toward the service members for abandoning them. “National Healthy Marriage Resource Center, 2011 reported stressed military couples are more vulnerable than are civilian couples to conflict (or jealousy) regarding relationships with other men or women. Other higher-risk areas include alcohol/drug lack of emotional expression on the part of the serviceman or woman and deployment." Children When children are present in the marriage, the stressors are greater. …show more content…
In the book, Surviving Deployment: A Guide for Military Families (Pavlicin, 1999), interviewed many military families that recounted their hardships and triumphs as they worked together to bring normalcy to their lives during military deployments. One family told of the hardship the deployment was to their child, Sam, "Katie Laude "Our middle son, Sam, would not even look at his dad when he got off the plane. When he eventually warmed up to him, we had the problem that Sam literally would not let Tom out of his sight for months (Pavlicin, 1999)." Sam's story is not unique. Many children have anxiety issues over the safety of their parent based on whether or not he or she will return, and others become accustomed to not having the military parent in the home. When the parent returns, some children have a hard time knowing which parent requests to respond to or knowing whether to answer to the military parent or not at all. This adds increased pressure to parents who may be learning how to relate to one another as partners again themselves. "Spouses struggle more dealing with their children's separation reactions than just dealing with their feelings” (National Healthy Marriage Resource Center, 2011)." Neglect of the partner can be responsible for the erosion of the marriage. New Experiences When the deployment is over it is a happy time for each spouse and their families, but it is also the beginning of entirely new experiences as the couple becomes reacquainted. Dawalt (2007), military wife and mother, suggests that families spend lots of time communicating their thoughts and feelings to one another, as well as letting things happen. Don't have so many expectations for how wonderful it is going to be just to end up disappointed—you've already survived a year of disappointment and stress” (p.147). After extended absences, many spouses expect to resume their marriages where they left off. Building upon romanticized images developed as coping skills during the time apart studies have shown that the period following a deployment is just as
Deployments
Military service members have the challenge of being deployed, often in life or death-situations, the spouse is forced to learn to care for and support their partner through a long-distance relationship, care for the home in some cases, be a single parent. Not all newly married spouses prepares for the testing of the marriage and their fortitude during the military deployment. One wife wrote, “Over the next several years, I continued to feel like my life had spun out of control and somehow the army was to blame for all of it. I gained weight; I sprouted gray hairs (my twenty-seventh birthday present!), and I was just somewhat mad at the world. Brandon and I continued to plug along as a married couple, but it was not easy. Then came the most dreaded thing of all—orders for Brandon to go to Iraq for twelve to eighteen months! His deployment tested every ounce of my being and pushed our marriage nearly to the breaking point” (Dawalt, 2007). I will not address the injured warriors in this gathering that had had issues with their marriages; however, I will mention the Soldiers that have mental issues that resulted from being away from their family during a deployment. Depression Deployed spouses expressed feelings of guilt for leaving their spouses resulted in feelings of depression, loneliness, anxiety, and worry for their partners' safety and even anger toward the service members for abandoning them. “National Healthy Marriage Resource Center, 2011 reported stressed military couples are more vulnerable than are civilian couples to conflict (or jealousy) regarding relationships with other men or women. Other higher-risk areas include alcohol/drug lack of emotional expression on the part of the serviceman or woman and deployment." Children When children are present in the marriage, the stressors are greater. …show more content…
In the book, Surviving Deployment: A Guide for Military Families (Pavlicin, 1999), interviewed many military families that recounted their hardships and triumphs as they worked together to bring normalcy to their lives during military deployments. One family told of the hardship the deployment was to their child, Sam, "Katie Laude "Our middle son, Sam, would not even look at his dad when he got off the plane. When he eventually warmed up to him, we had the problem that Sam literally would not let Tom out of his sight for months (Pavlicin, 1999)." Sam's story is not unique. Many children have anxiety issues over the safety of their parent based on whether or not he or she will return, and others become accustomed to not having the military parent in the home. When the parent returns, some children have a hard time knowing which parent requests to respond to or knowing whether to answer to the military parent or not at all. This adds increased pressure to parents who may be learning how to relate to one another as partners again themselves. "Spouses struggle more dealing with their children's separation reactions than just dealing with their feelings” (National Healthy Marriage Resource Center, 2011)." Neglect of the partner can be responsible for the erosion of the marriage. New Experiences When the deployment is over it is a happy time for each spouse and their families, but it is also the beginning of entirely new experiences as the couple becomes reacquainted. Dawalt (2007), military wife and mother, suggests that families spend lots of time communicating their thoughts and feelings to one another, as well as letting things happen. Don't have so many expectations for how wonderful it is going to be just to end up disappointed—you've already survived a year of disappointment and stress” (p.147). After extended absences, many spouses expect to resume their marriages where they left off. Building upon romanticized images developed as coping skills during the time apart studies have shown that the period following a deployment is just as