But What Do You Mean By Deborah Tannen Summary

Opposites Attract Men and women have very different styles when it comes to the art of communication. In Deborah Tannen’s essay, “But What Do You Mean?”, she describes the different communication variations between men and women. My communication style conforms very accurately to the male gender as described by Tannen because I communicate very directly, give critiques, and like to joke around. Foremost, when my wife and I have conversations I am often very direct. I say what is on my mind, although perhaps I should not. As Tannen describes “… the conversational rituals common among men are designed to maintain the one-up position, or at least avoid appearing one-down” (154). This is true because I am always trying to one-up my wife. I attempt to find something that she has done wrong so that subconsciously I can feel better about my own wrongdoings. I am the man of the house, and I am not supposed to show weakness or my integrity could be in …show more content…
My intentions are not bad but she will take offense and get upset with me. I don’t mean to upset her with my banter, but the way that men and women handle jokes is very different according to Tannen. “The types of humor women and men tend to prefer differ. Research has shown that the most common form of humor among men is razzing, teasing, and mock-hostile attacks, while among women it’s self-mocking” (Tannen 159). My male acquaintances and I will often tease each other, as described by Tannen. I just have to remember that my wife is not one of my male colleagues from work; she is my wife, and sometimes I can take my jokes a little too far. In conclusion, I think the essay written by Deborah Tannen, “But What Do You Mean?”, accurately portrays the communication styles of men and women. I know that I, for one, conform very accurately to the male gender as described by Tannen because my communication style is very direct, I like to critique, and I like to joke