Sex Lies And Conversation Deborah Tannen Summary

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Deborah Tannens essay “Sex, Lies and Conversation: Why Is It So Hard for Men and Women to Talk To Each Other?” offers many explanations as to why men and women converse differently. Tannen concluded from her own research that the linguistic differences, body language, and silence in opposing settings have an equal contribution as to why the genders communicate differently among groups of all the same gender and groups of opposing gender. While women often add their input on a situation men find that as being a challenge of their dominance. Tannen effectively demonstrates the riff between the genders through the use of childhood experiences, and showing how younger experiences shape adult communication behaviors.
Men and women have very different
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In a study Tannen included a study of tenth grade boys where they were told to have a conversation throughout the conversation many body languages cues differed between women and men. The methods of problem solving were the indicators of how the two genders using bodily language very differently. The tenth grade girl listening to her friend was an active listener, she asked questions, expressed her understanding through agreeing with what her friend said, small noises to show she was listening, as well as offering input on how to solver her friend’s problem( Tannen 284). However, the two tenth grade boys when talking about their problems acted complete different. Both were oblivious to the problem and offered no solution. Looking at their finding from the high school boys they realized how differences in body language often came of as being rude or not listening. During adult years women expect “participatory listenership”( Tannen 284) and this includes the noises to show they are being listening to, as well as the other person to be in tune with them. Women perceive being in tune with each other as being able to finish one sentence and well as being able to guess what the other might say. Men find “Participatory listenership” (Tannen 284) as …show more content…
In public women are more conscious of what they say and often times will not try express everything they feel. For example, women view their home as a safe place to say what ever they feel. When at home women do not have to worry about judgment they may face, offending someone, or being accused of having a standoff like attitude. Men live through hierarchy, which causes them to feel they need to protect themselves from being pushed around ( Tannen 285). The male hierarchy demonstrates the “ paradox of the talkative man who said of his silent wife, ‘she’s the talker.’” (Tannen 285). While the man participated as a guest in the lecture he felt challenged as if he needed to show his greater understanding of the lecture. When a man is at home with his wife he feels no need to prove anything, therefore, he able to remain silent. However, the prevalence of the “ paradox of the talkative man and silent wife” (Tannen 285) exists all thought the age ranges often times men are more willing to speak during group discussions because they do not want to be seem like they are below a certain status, they strive to be perceived as the alpha male. The same case of the paradox is prevalent among children. Girls typically talk less than men, since they worry about feelings, while men feel like they having something to prove causing them to talk

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