“Shes coming back right?” a baffled 7 year old asks in response to the appalling news of her mother’s death. A vibrant imagination is accompanied by a crushing pain of reality that trails behind it ; I discovered this when I heard the words “no” . 10 years later, that conversation lingers in my head and holds not a cacophonous nor euphonious sound, but instead holds the neutral tone of reality, an alarm .
As routine , at 6a.m., I hear a melodious alarm followed by the pitter-patter of my aunt who is getting ready for work. I tell myself “I have so much to do”then go over my tasks. My aunt tells me she loves me and leaves while im here at this very moment telling myself ”I will not write about my mother”, about how her death should not be publicized for “scoring and marking” and how I should write about myself . then the words “see you later alligator” come into my head and send me on a nostalgic journey full of memories in the form of still images that includes me and this woman who has no face , just …show more content…
It is hard to come to terms with my lack of memories of what she looked like, and in reflection of this I realize that this was so important to me because I buried myself in her shadow, I had gotten to comfortable in being introduced to people as “Ashley - Veronica’s daughter”. Not being able to match the characteristic of “Veronica Guthrie” , aggravated me . With this, an alarm is turned on above me in the form of an epiphany that tells me that my intent to mold myself into her was totally impossible as we share the same blood but have had extremely different experiences. I have currently found comfort in being “Lee- the BCLC member” , “Edwards #12” “Ashley- youth crew member From Real Food Farm” or simply “Ashley- the
As routine , at 6a.m., I hear a melodious alarm followed by the pitter-patter of my aunt who is getting ready for work. I tell myself “I have so much to do”then go over my tasks. My aunt tells me she loves me and leaves while im here at this very moment telling myself ”I will not write about my mother”, about how her death should not be publicized for “scoring and marking” and how I should write about myself . then the words “see you later alligator” come into my head and send me on a nostalgic journey full of memories in the form of still images that includes me and this woman who has no face , just …show more content…
It is hard to come to terms with my lack of memories of what she looked like, and in reflection of this I realize that this was so important to me because I buried myself in her shadow, I had gotten to comfortable in being introduced to people as “Ashley - Veronica’s daughter”. Not being able to match the characteristic of “Veronica Guthrie” , aggravated me . With this, an alarm is turned on above me in the form of an epiphany that tells me that my intent to mold myself into her was totally impossible as we share the same blood but have had extremely different experiences. I have currently found comfort in being “Lee- the BCLC member” , “Edwards #12” “Ashley- youth crew member From Real Food Farm” or simply “Ashley- the