I Am A Person Who Is Never Satisfied Essays

1923 Words Jun 14th, 2015 8 Pages
I am a person who is never satisfied. I strive for something greater and larger in every aspect of my life. I do not like to settle and say I am complete with anything. I feel there is always room for more and always another chance at something. I live my life based on this idea and can never come to terms when a chapter is complete in my life. I spent two years planning my wedding, and once it was over, I longed to do it again. After we had purchased our first home, I began searching for another. This is something I struggle with daily. If there is something I enjoy doing, is creating new life. My greatest fear is finality and dealing with its consequences on an emotional level. I was not prepared for my child-bearing years to be over, but I also want to dedicate my life and love to the children I already have. Would having another child push my luck too far?
About two months after we moved to our new home, I had dreams swirling in my mind of a blonde, fair-skinned, bright blue-eyed baby girl. All of my kids have black hair at birth and darker skin. They seemed to inherit the dark hair from me and tanned skin from my husband, Ryan. I knew with every ounce of my being that I was pregnant. I did not understand how it could have happened. We were so careful to not conceive again. How could I have missed a symptom of ovulation when I know my body so well? I was having a hard time dealing with the idea of never carrying a life in my womb ever again. Did…

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