Using Genderlect Styles and Relational Dialectics to Examine Communication Problems in Marriages
Scholar C. Kenemore
Winona State University
Examining Communication Problems in Marriages using Genderlect Styles and Relational Dialectics.
Introduction “Till death do us part” isn’t really the case anymore. In the United States alone, researchers predict that 40-50% of couples getting married will get divorced, and 60% of 2nd marriages will get divorced (Gottman). The average marriage is also only seven years long. These statistics can be alarming and very scary to anyone who plans on having their “happily ever after” someday. When researching why couples get divorced, many state that they grew apart or how their spouse hid psychological problems. These are valid reasons, but the most common reason found was several months of arguing and disappointments. This leads to the ability to communicate with their significant other to deteriorate. Communication is key when it comes to any kind of relationship. The relational dialectics theory and genderlect styles will be used to explain why communication problems occur in marriages and how to avoid these issues. Starting off, this paper will state what the three relational dialectics are and how they relate to marriage. Next, this paper will go over different stressors and issues that can effect any marriage. After that, this paper will show different genderlect styles and how men and women communicate differently. In conclusion, this paper will be identifying these different theories and applying them to certain situations to improve communication in marriages. Not all marriages are supposed to work, but by using these theories hopefully communication skills in relationships can flourish. Relational Dialectics: Starting off, what exactly is relational dialectics? Leslie Baxter and Barbara Montgomery, scholars who study how communication creates and changes relationships, founded this theory. They personally define relational dialectics as a never ending play between both contrary and opposing sides of the relationship (Griffin 2012). Relational dialects also digs deep into struggles, tensions and issues of close personal ties. This concept comes from the problems that occur when two different people maintain a relationship. Although these problems seem like a hassle, contradictions from each partner is what really shapes the relationship. Baxter and Montgomery state that bonding occurs when couples are interdependent with each other and independent on their own (Griffin 2012). Without both of these, the relationship diminishes. There are three different types of contradictions that affect relationships according to Baxter (Griffin 2012). These three are integration/separation, expression/nonexpression, and stability/change. Each contradiction is separated by an internal and external conflict in the relationship. Internal is the tensions that happen inside the relationship, while external is the tensions between the couple and the community. Baxter and Montgomery state the first contradiction as being integration and separation (Griffin 2012). This also includes connection-autonomy, inclusion-seclusion, and intimacy-independence. Baxter explains how in relationships, each partner needs to sacrifice some individual autonomy for it to be successful, but not enough as to where you lose your self identity. This can be a huge problem in marriage because when one spouse “loses themselves” in the relationship, they lose their sense of being their own individual. This can cause huge problems because everyone has their own interests, hobbies, and things they enjoy as an individual. When forced to be interdependent with someone else, they can feel as if their individuality gets blurred into someone else. The second contradiction according to Montgomery and Baxter is expression and non expression (Griffin 2012). This also includes openness-closedness, revelation-concealment, candor-secrecy, and transparency-privacy. In a marriage, both partners expect openness in their communication to …show more content…
One major stressor in marriage today is money, according to Elizabeth Scott (2014). She explains how generally when couples fight about money, it has to really do with something different like power roles in the marriage or different values. To resolve this issue, couples must remain calm and keep their tempers under control. Many times one spouse says something they cannot take back and this can be detrimental to the relationship. Next, get a clear view of the financial situation, accept it and work on a path to a better financial future together. Remaining connected and communication effectively will solve these problems right
Scholar C. Kenemore
Winona State University
Examining Communication Problems in Marriages using Genderlect Styles and Relational Dialectics.
Introduction “Till death do us part” isn’t really the case anymore. In the United States alone, researchers predict that 40-50% of couples getting married will get divorced, and 60% of 2nd marriages will get divorced (Gottman). The average marriage is also only seven years long. These statistics can be alarming and very scary to anyone who plans on having their “happily ever after” someday. When researching why couples get divorced, many state that they grew apart or how their spouse hid psychological problems. These are valid reasons, but the most common reason found was several months of arguing and disappointments. This leads to the ability to communicate with their significant other to deteriorate. Communication is key when it comes to any kind of relationship. The relational dialectics theory and genderlect styles will be used to explain why communication problems occur in marriages and how to avoid these issues. Starting off, this paper will state what the three relational dialectics are and how they relate to marriage. Next, this paper will go over different stressors and issues that can effect any marriage. After that, this paper will show different genderlect styles and how men and women communicate differently. In conclusion, this paper will be identifying these different theories and applying them to certain situations to improve communication in marriages. Not all marriages are supposed to work, but by using these theories hopefully communication skills in relationships can flourish. Relational Dialectics: Starting off, what exactly is relational dialectics? Leslie Baxter and Barbara Montgomery, scholars who study how communication creates and changes relationships, founded this theory. They personally define relational dialectics as a never ending play between both contrary and opposing sides of the relationship (Griffin 2012). Relational dialects also digs deep into struggles, tensions and issues of close personal ties. This concept comes from the problems that occur when two different people maintain a relationship. Although these problems seem like a hassle, contradictions from each partner is what really shapes the relationship. Baxter and Montgomery state that bonding occurs when couples are interdependent with each other and independent on their own (Griffin 2012). Without both of these, the relationship diminishes. There are three different types of contradictions that affect relationships according to Baxter (Griffin 2012). These three are integration/separation, expression/nonexpression, and stability/change. Each contradiction is separated by an internal and external conflict in the relationship. Internal is the tensions that happen inside the relationship, while external is the tensions between the couple and the community. Baxter and Montgomery state the first contradiction as being integration and separation (Griffin 2012). This also includes connection-autonomy, inclusion-seclusion, and intimacy-independence. Baxter explains how in relationships, each partner needs to sacrifice some individual autonomy for it to be successful, but not enough as to where you lose your self identity. This can be a huge problem in marriage because when one spouse “loses themselves” in the relationship, they lose their sense of being their own individual. This can cause huge problems because everyone has their own interests, hobbies, and things they enjoy as an individual. When forced to be interdependent with someone else, they can feel as if their individuality gets blurred into someone else. The second contradiction according to Montgomery and Baxter is expression and non expression (Griffin 2012). This also includes openness-closedness, revelation-concealment, candor-secrecy, and transparency-privacy. In a marriage, both partners expect openness in their communication to …show more content…
One major stressor in marriage today is money, according to Elizabeth Scott (2014). She explains how generally when couples fight about money, it has to really do with something different like power roles in the marriage or different values. To resolve this issue, couples must remain calm and keep their tempers under control. Many times one spouse says something they cannot take back and this can be detrimental to the relationship. Next, get a clear view of the financial situation, accept it and work on a path to a better financial future together. Remaining connected and communication effectively will solve these problems right