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107 Cards in this Set
- Front
- Back
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Describe the distinguishing characteristics of blended families, and indicate how these
families can be formed. |
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Distinguish between the stepmother and the stepfather roles by referring to similarities, as well as differences.
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Describe the developmental changes observed in blended family system, and how these changes relate to the development of the
individuals within that system. |
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Describe the strengths of blended families, as revealed when major adjustment challenges have to be resolved.
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Compare the statistics on blended families
according to the 1990 census to the number of blended families in the US today. |
There were over 5000000 stepfamily households in the US in the 1990s
The estimated number today is significantly higher |
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What do most blended family consist of?
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A mother
Her children Stepfather |
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What percentage of Americans are a stepparent, stepsiblings, or some other member of a blended family?
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1 in 3
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What percent of children under the age of 13 in the US will live in a blended family at some time?
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50%
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What is the rate or divorce of blended families in the US?
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65% which makes it very likely for many children
to be involved in a second divorce of their parents |
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What are 3 types of blended families?
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Single-parent remarries
Fostering or adopting children A reconstituted or blended family system typically brings together children you may have had different families of origin, and/or adult you have been married previously, or have children from previous relationships |
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What are 7 characteristics of blended families?
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When children are involved, a new family system is created instantaneously without the benefit of gradually adding new members
The remarriage of adults may occur at a time when the necessities and have of the blended family life aren't compatible developmental needs and tasks of adults Ex-spouses and ex-grandparents can continue to have input into and influence on the new blended family system Wishes and expectations of adult marriage partners may not be filled by the new marriage relationship Both children and adults may have mixed feelings of allegiance and guilt that interfere with effective blended family system formation Children may not be willing participants in the new blended family system All blended family members experience role confusion |
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What does it help to understand about the blended family? Why?
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What is normal
So that you can accept things as they are or make changes when needed |
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What are 7 challenges in blended family
formation? |
When the family system formation involves
different structures than in first marriage systems Blended family formation may challenge the adult to develop an intimate relationship and areas of shared interest and values, and habitual patterns that guide interactions and conflict resolution Merging different family cultures and identities as the new system establishes roles and patterns Developing new modes of distributing time, energy, material goods, finances, and affection Establishing new bonds of loyalty to the blended family system while learning to manage loyalty bonds to former family systems Dealing with marital conflict in children's misbehavior The greatest challenge to the survival and effective, healthy functioning of a blended family system may be overcoming obstacles and resistance encountered in adapting to previously established patterns and styles |
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What happens as stepfamilies learn to live
together? |
They go through predictable stages
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What can help parents understand what they are experiencing now what to expect in the
future? |
Knowing how other stepfamilies adjust
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What did Papernow (1984) find about that
families? |
At which the families required about 10 years to complete the cycle which range from 4 – 12 years.
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What are the 7 stages and blended family
formation? |
Fantasy Assimilating the new adult Awareness Mobilization Action Contact Resolution |
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Fantasy
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A time in which everyone involved commonly holds unrealistic expectations that they hope will be fulfilled in the new family system
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In this Stage number two: Assimilating the New Adult, what is the biological parent attempt to do?
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To merge the stepparent to the biological family that usually cannot accomplish this goal
successfully at this time |
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In Stage 2: Assimilating the New Adult, what the stepparent notice?
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He or she is an outsider and discovers feelings of jealousy, resentment, and inadequacy
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In Stage 3: Awareness, why the many blended families stagnate in their development at this stage?
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Difficulties in communication among all the
parties |
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In Stage 4: Mobilization, how does the
stepparent's role in initiating changes intensify? |
A showdown is inevitable and if the changes and compromises cannot be made, there is
considerable risk that the blended family will dissolve the of the divorce of the adults |
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In Stage 5: Action, how will the changes and adaptions be implemented?
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On a larger scale to form the new blended family
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What does Stage 6: Contact, serve to solidify?
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The actions taken to forge a new blended family
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What happens in Stage 7: Resolution?
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The new blended family and she is the new
identity |
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When does coparenting have the best success rate?
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If the best interests of the children are
considered In parental system can maintain the parental hierarchical boundaries |
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What are the 2 coparenting dyads at play in blended family systems?
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This refers to the biological parents, who have to find ways to coparent successfully from
binuclear households The second dyad refers to the 2 persons fulfilling parental roles within the blended family, of whom 1 will be a biological parent and the other a stepparent |
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What are some guidelines to make discipline easier in stepfamilies?
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The biological parents should handle most
discipline during the first few months and years A custodial parent should remain primarily responsible for control and discipline of the children until step parents and children develop a solid bond |
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What should be discussed as a couple before disciplining in stepfamilies? What does this .
allow? |
Problems and expectations with the spouse
The spouse to be involved with discipline even though the biological parent deals directly with the child |
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What should be done when a biological parent must leave stepparent in charge when the
biological parent is gone? Why are these steps important? |
Tell your children before you leave
To help children understand that the stepparent carries out the rules both parents have agreed upon If possible, wait till the biological parent returns to enforce the consequences |
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What happens when the mother role is filled by a stepmother?
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These families have more problems than those with a stepfather
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What 2 myths make a stepmother role more difficult?
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The stepmother is bad
She requires instant love from the stepchildren |
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How may the stepmother counter the first myth?
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By overcompensating by contributing to much to the relationship between herself and her stepchildren
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What are? 4 characteristics of successful
adaption of the stepmother role? |
Gaining support from outside, as well as the
inside, their family system Positive attitude Use a positive communication styles Working toward the quality of the marital relationship |
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How long might be stepfather – stepchild
relationship be at risk? |
As long as 2 years following the remarriage
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What are some advantages to stepfathers?
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He can forge a new identity and impression when establishing a relationship with his spouses' children
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What are the 3 disadvantages to stepfathers?
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They are less likely to be authoritative in
parenting style as compared to biological fathers Establishing disciplinary patterns and using controls related to stepchildren's behavior often prime problem areas for stepfathers Disagreements with the spouse may occur over how the step father disciplines the children |
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Describe the legal status of step grandparents.
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Not clear
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How are step grandparents most likely to view young step grandchildren?
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A welcome addition to the family when an adult child remarries
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What is the likelihood of a relationship between the step grandparents and step grandchildren
when step grandchildren live with the adult child? |
It increases
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How does the quality of the step grandparent and step grandchild relationship appeared to be influenced?
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To a greater extent by the adult child then by any factors that are exclusive to the step
grandparent – step grandchild relationship |
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When researchers compare the care and well-being of children from stepfamilies and the care and well-being of children of single-parent families, what do researchers find?
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They fare neither better nor worse
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What is expected of children when biological parents divorce and later remarry?
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They are expected to make a series of
adjustments that are stressful and affect school performance, behavior, and other socioemotional factors |
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What do children tend to do when they grow up and blended families? In what sex is this
prevalent? |
They tend to reject their stepfather and leave the blended family at an earlier age than those growing up and single-parent for 2 – parent households
Girls |
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What happens when blended families are formed between the siblings?
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Their relationship is complex
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What are the problems observed in biological sibling relationships? What happens when stepsiblings are involved?
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Rivalry
Jealousy Can become even more intense |
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What type of scenarios are created when
coalitions are formed with blended family members? |
"My children are being mistreated by your children" scenario |
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What can exist between siblings that are
pubertal or adolescent? |
Sexual tensions
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What types of relationships can be between stepsiblings?
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Strong relationships where mutual support can be found and friendships
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What defines the altered relationship between
ex-spouses? |
Rights
Boundaries |
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What defines the altered relationship
between ex-inlaws about their altered relationship? Why is this a problem? |
There are few legal rights a clear distinctions
It is not uncommon for ex-spouses to experience feelings of jealousy, anger, and competition with their former partners |
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How do ex-in-laws and ex-spouses feel in their situations?
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They may harbor some more feelings of
resentment They may collaborate to make the situation tolerable and even amicable |
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What 3 themes does the ability of blended
families to adjust to their new status, roles, and patterns depend on? |
Giving up unrealistic expectations for the new family system
Clarifying the feelings and the needs of each family member Committing to new rules, roles, boundaries and routines |
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What are the 5 tasks in which blended family system must accomplish to successfully
transition from early disillusionment to total commitment and the new family system? |
The biological parent and stepparent need to
determine the long-range goals for the organization of the new family system It is helpful if the remarried couple agrees that the biological parent is in charge of setting and enforcing limits for their biological children Stepparent – stepchild bonding may need assistance Adjustment to becoming a new family system is facilitated when the blended family develops its own rules, boundary, and traditions Both parents in a blended family system need to develop and maintain constructive patterns of interaction with ex– spouses |
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Which types of families include the most people, stepfamilies or nuclear familes?
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Stepfamilies
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What is important to consider about the many types of people in the step family?
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Their different needs and interests
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Give examples of their different needs and interests.
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New husband and wife
New husband and stepchildren New wife and stepchildren Grandparents and stepchildren Husband's parents and new spouse Wife's parents and new spouse Ongoing relationship between wife's children and their father Ongoing relationship between husband's children and their mother |
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What types of feelings may members of blended families have?
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Deep feelings of jealousy and ambivalence
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How are these feelings shown in step families?
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Stepparents may have less time to give to
individual children Children may feel that the new marriage is depriving them of the parent Parents may feel that the children are intruding on the marriage |
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How should parents accept these feelings
between the family members? |
As realistic because there is less time for each child
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How do both parents and children feel about the earlier marriage when entering into a
stepfamily? Why? |
Haunted by it
They feel insecure as they lived with children who are constant proof that the spouse was loved by another person Biological parent continues to have contact with the former spouse because of the children |
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How may the former spouse use the children and their needs?
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To attack the biological parent and the
stepparent |
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Give an example of how former spouses may use the children and their needs to attack the
biological parent and the stepparent. |
Father and the stepmother say that bio mother
never by the children In this situation, the bio mother may say that the father and stepmother by them fancy clothes that are not appropriate for the children's needs at school or play |
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What is a major problem with these type
disagreements in stepfamilies? |
They can go on and on
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Why must separate parents create their roles?
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There are no clear guidelines
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What does how the stepparent creates their role depend on?
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Their individual personality
The ages and genders of the children Their living arrangements |
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What is extremely difficult in step parent
families? |
To know how much parenting a stepparent should do and how much should be left to the child's biological parents
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What is another issue for stepparents?
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Money
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What is the primary reason the second
marriages fail? What is closely related to this? |
Children
Money |
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What that lead to conflicts with money in step parent families?
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There are all sorts of pitfalls regarding finances
Child support payments |
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What makes the financial struggles even worse?
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Children get caught u in the middle of the family squabbles
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What happens to the stepparent's ability to
handle discipline over time? |
It improves
They allow time for positive and loving relationships to develop or stepparent share equally in discipline |
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What are the situations in which stepparents take longer to improve their discipline?
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With older children
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Who's behavior changes at the time of
remarriages? How does this occur? |
The custodial mother
They become more negative, less controlling, and there is more conflict between mother and children, particularly daughters |
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What happens if the children are 8 or younger when parents remarry?
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Improvements occur with time
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When do conflicts increase in remarriages?
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Early adolescence
Relationships are more conflicted than in intact families Even in early – adolescence, children remain more distant from their custodial remarried mothers |
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Which sex has the greatest difficulty when living with the city of fathers and stepmothers? What increases the problem? Why?
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Girls
Frequent contact with their biological mothers The biological mothers had special problems that argued against their having custody |
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What happens the longer the girls live in these types of stepfamilies?
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The more positive the relationship growth
between the daughter and stepmother |
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Who initially feels less close to their
stepchildren? |
Stepfathers
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What are some specific details concerning step fathers in step families?
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They may be able to build relationships with younger stepchildren by taking on the role of a warm and supportive figure
Preadolescent boys may settle down in a relationship with a stepfather Preadolescent girls usually resist the stepfather's overtures and direct angry, negative behavior to the custodial mother |
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What happens to step families for early
adolescents over a 2 year period? |
There appears to be little adaptation
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What happens when stepfather's attempt to spend time with the children and establish a
relationship? |
Children are negative and resistant
Stepfathers remain disengaged, critical and distant from the day-to-day monitoring of the children |
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What happens is that parents utilize
authoritative parenting and warm, positive, and appropriate monitoring? |
The children's adjustment often improves
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How do adolescents adapt to step family
situations? |
They often retreat from the family and
establish strong relationships with families of friends They become more argumentative with biological parents, both the custodial and noncustodial parents Their emotional attachment to the parent is shown in a negative rather than a positive way |
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Marital happiness
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Have a different relationship with children's
behavior that it has with intact families |
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What is marital happiness like in stepfamilies?
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It is related to the children's negativistic and
resistant behavior with their parents |
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What is marital happiness like in non-divorced families?
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It is related to children's competent functioning and positive relationships with parents
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How can forming a stepfamily be easier or more difficult?
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It depends on the different developmental stages of the children involved
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How do younger children (under age 10) usually accept stepfamilies?
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These children are forming their own identities and may have the most difficult time adjusting
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How do older children (aged 15 and older)
usually accept stepfamilies? |
They need less parenting and may have less
investment in stepfamily life |
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How may new stepparents act at the beginning?
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They may want to jump right in and to establish a close relationship with stepchildren
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How should the gender be considered as the new step parents take on their roles?
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Both boys and girls in stepparent families have reported that they prefer verbal affection rather than physical closeness
Girls especially say they are uncomfortable with physical shows of affection from their stepfather Overall, boys appear to accept a stepfather more quickly than girls |
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What is the initial declines in cognitive and social competence after the remarriage?
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When boys are younger and step parents are warm and authoritative,
problem behaviors improve to levels similar to those of boys and non-divorced families Young girls continue to have more acting out and defiant behavior problems than girls in intact or divorced families |
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When do most of the gender differences in
stepfamily adjustment disappear? |
At early adolescence when both girls and boys have more problems
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What are 3 characteristics of children in
remarried family? |
More likely to leave home at an early age
Less likely to go on to school More likely to leave home as a result of conflict |
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How do these children feel when they are adults?
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They feel they can rely less on their families less than do children of intact families
There are also many children of remarried families who, as adults, feel close and supported in stepfamilies |
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How do most children adjust to remarried
families? |
Some children in remarried families have
adjustment problems but the majority are doing well |
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What are some ways to nurture a step family?
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Give it time, building relationships take years, not months
Talk to other parents in stepfamilies Don't demand that children call the stepparent "Mom" or "Dad" Read books and articles to learn about "normal" stepfamilies and develop develop patience Try to accept your feelings and gradually discuss them with your spouse Talk together about rules and consequences for children Get outside help, talking to a counselor can help you deal with the problems and build a strong, caring family |
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What are some additional steps to strengthening
stepfamily ties from Emily VIsher's "Stepping Ahead Program"? |
Nurturing couple relationship
Finding personal space and time Nourishing family relationships Maintaining close PC relationships Developing stepparent – stepchild relationship Building family trust Strengthen the step family ties in regular family meetings Work with child's other household |
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What are 3 ways in which the couple's
relationship can be nurtured? |
Plan something you like away from home once a week
Arrange 20 minutes of relaxed time alone each day Talk together about the running of the household at least 30 minutes each week |
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What are 2 ways in which they can find personal space and time?
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Parents makes a special "private" place for
themselves and for each child who lives or visits there Each person takes at least 2 hours a week to engage in personally enriching activities |
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What are 2 ways in which family relationships can be nourished?
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Share with one another something you
appreciate each day about each family member – perhaps at dinner, where each person shares or in less formal settings Do not link discussion of problems with what is the liked |
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What are 2 ways in which close PC relationships are maintained?
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Parent and child do something fun together for at least 20 minutes once or twice a week
These times are given no matter what and do not depend on good behavior |
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What are 2 ways in which stepparent and step child relationships develop?
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Do something fun together 15 or 20 minutes a week
If the child refuses, except that and offer an opportunity to do something at a later time |
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What are 3 ways in which families build trust?
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Schedule a family event once a month and give each person a chance to choose what to do
Begin traditions in your remarried family Do not always schedule events when nonresident children are there because resident children may believe they are less important |
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What are 2 ways in which they can work with the child's other household?
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Give adults in the other household positive
feedback once a month Give positive message without expectation of return |
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What comes in a life of stepfamily in addition to the difficulties?
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Special pleasures come with seeing children that are biologically unrelated to flourish and grow and in taking part in that growth
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