THE 4-HOUR ZONE presents as an intriguing sci-fi, psychological, conspiracy thriller. The concept of a woman falsely accused of murder, who then travels back in time to clear her name, is a solid premise. The premise has good potential to create a tense thriller.
The initial goal is well defined (clear her name) and the stakes are high. The protagonist is thrust into a high-stakes situation where she has to overcome many obstacles. She faces a strong adversary.
Strong themes about revenge, redemption, justice, and second chances are well incorporated throughout the plot. The tone is consistent for a thriller and the protagonist’s choices and decisions nicely drive the plot.
As currently structured, the plot features both strengths and …show more content…
There are also too many chases. The plot begins to feel repetitive with the second scene of Megan breaking into John’s office. No new information is offered for the audience. There are other scenes that would benefit from being clarified.
Here are a few:
Megan forces John to tell her who’s behind the conspiracy and who killed Josh. What’s confusing is that every other time she has time traveled, she remembers who the killer is.
So, it’s not clear why she doesn’t remember now. If understanding correctly, she also has it on her phone.
Also, clarify why Ms. Z is watching Megan in the first act and clarify her motivation to help Megan. On page 33, Ms. Z tends to repeat herself about the possibility of hallucinating.
The scene with the detective and his daughter feels out of place, because there’s no strong enough payoff about his daughter. Megan mentions her, but this is still not a strong payoff.
When Megan finds Josh’s body, create a more intense scene.
It doesn’t feel logical that John would leave Megan and Jessica alone in his office (after he knocks them out). The two fight scenes in John’s office are not needed. Consider combining them into one fight
The initial goal is well defined (clear her name) and the stakes are high. The protagonist is thrust into a high-stakes situation where she has to overcome many obstacles. She faces a strong adversary.
Strong themes about revenge, redemption, justice, and second chances are well incorporated throughout the plot. The tone is consistent for a thriller and the protagonist’s choices and decisions nicely drive the plot.
As currently structured, the plot features both strengths and …show more content…
There are also too many chases. The plot begins to feel repetitive with the second scene of Megan breaking into John’s office. No new information is offered for the audience. There are other scenes that would benefit from being clarified.
Here are a few:
Megan forces John to tell her who’s behind the conspiracy and who killed Josh. What’s confusing is that every other time she has time traveled, she remembers who the killer is.
So, it’s not clear why she doesn’t remember now. If understanding correctly, she also has it on her phone.
Also, clarify why Ms. Z is watching Megan in the first act and clarify her motivation to help Megan. On page 33, Ms. Z tends to repeat herself about the possibility of hallucinating.
The scene with the detective and his daughter feels out of place, because there’s no strong enough payoff about his daughter. Megan mentions her, but this is still not a strong payoff.
When Megan finds Josh’s body, create a more intense scene.
It doesn’t feel logical that John would leave Megan and Jessica alone in his office (after he knocks them out). The two fight scenes in John’s office are not needed. Consider combining them into one fight