I’m sure your expecting to hear the same typical story that’s been told millions of times, about the girl whose father is not in her life whether it’s because he simply left or because he passed away. I want to say this IS one of those stories. This is the story about the predictable fatherless girl who continues her young life lost and searching for that missing fatherly love. That’s me. I have no shame in saying that what so ever, BUT I also must say that this is more than just a predictable story. This is MY Predictable story. “Every girl needs her father.” “There is nothing like a father-daughter bond” Cliché terms we have all heard before but THEY ARE TRUE! No matter how many stories I cram into this entry, no matter how many poems
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I was never taught communication skills or self worth and self love, so I went searching for it! I admit, I thought if someone said that they loved you they meant it, so any guy who told me that they loved me or how beautiful I was I would practically melt to pieces because no one had ever said those words to me. There were several times when I fell victim to those gentle words, there were times when I was told “If you loved me you would…” It isn’t until now that I realize that saying was created to lure you in, to mentally manipulate you and make you feel guilt in every shape and form. But the truth is If you loved yourself you wouldn’t have to fall victim to anyone saying those words to you. Everyone isn’t taught self love. After my father died my mom was incarcerated. I had no stable mother like figure to look up to and explain to me the beauty of my body, my time, and my conversation. This was something I was forced to teach myself. As they say, you learn from experience and so I experimented and I learned. I began searching for acceptance from my peers and my teachers. I started failing tests on purpose in 4th grade because it made my peers laugh, Because of this, I was retained. There was a time when I refused to even look or talk to guys my age. I was searching for someone with a little more experience some one father like, Some one I can not only look up to but someone I could express all the years of bottled up emotions to as well, and I found him. Well At least I thought I did. A month after my 14th birthday. I gave myself away to a guy who was three years older than me. He wasn’t just any guy, he was like a bestfriend, a companion. When I needed to talk he listened, when I cried he comforted me and I did the same. He was a friend. I thought he was so worthy that he deserved to feel every part of me inside and out. Now as I look back, I don’t think it was because he was so worthy that I gave him the BIGGEST part of
I was never taught communication skills or self worth and self love, so I went searching for it! I admit, I thought if someone said that they loved you they meant it, so any guy who told me that they loved me or how beautiful I was I would practically melt to pieces because no one had ever said those words to me. There were several times when I fell victim to those gentle words, there were times when I was told “If you loved me you would…” It isn’t until now that I realize that saying was created to lure you in, to mentally manipulate you and make you feel guilt in every shape and form. But the truth is If you loved yourself you wouldn’t have to fall victim to anyone saying those words to you. Everyone isn’t taught self love. After my father died my mom was incarcerated. I had no stable mother like figure to look up to and explain to me the beauty of my body, my time, and my conversation. This was something I was forced to teach myself. As they say, you learn from experience and so I experimented and I learned. I began searching for acceptance from my peers and my teachers. I started failing tests on purpose in 4th grade because it made my peers laugh, Because of this, I was retained. There was a time when I refused to even look or talk to guys my age. I was searching for someone with a little more experience some one father like, Some one I can not only look up to but someone I could express all the years of bottled up emotions to as well, and I found him. Well At least I thought I did. A month after my 14th birthday. I gave myself away to a guy who was three years older than me. He wasn’t just any guy, he was like a bestfriend, a companion. When I needed to talk he listened, when I cried he comforted me and I did the same. He was a friend. I thought he was so worthy that he deserved to feel every part of me inside and out. Now as I look back, I don’t think it was because he was so worthy that I gave him the BIGGEST part of