'Sticks': Psychologically Controlling Parenting

The story "Sticks" tells the story of a man who always used metal poles as a way to try to communicate his feelings on holidays to his neighbors and family. Although the metal cross is decorated for the holidays, it is the only joy that the father allows in the family other times he is mean. His children grow up and see the same meanness in themselves. Their father is decorating the pole in strange ways. When his wife dies, he decorates it as a tribute to her using talismans belonging to her and him foreshadowing the end. The dad, finally, adds painted signs that reads "Love" on the pole and another that says, “Forgive.” His son found his father dead in the hall with the radio on. He sold the house to a young couple that took the poles out …show more content…
In the beginning, the reader can see how controlling he was over his children’s actions. The writer explains, “He hovered over us as we poured ketchup, saying, Good enough good enough good enough” (Saunders 28). He wanted to control his family by watching over them making everything they did in his favor, which people with controlling parents can relate. In the academic journal article, "Psychologically Controlling Parenting,” they explain their research behind controlling parenting and effects. The authors illuminate, “Dependent individuals have intense fears of being abandoned. These individuals have a desperate need to keep in close physical contact with others, and they experience deep longings to be cared for” (Gargurevich and Soenens 912). This explains the father’s actions of being controlling and feels that he needs his children to be powerful and in control because he does not want to be alone and unheard. To add from this explanation, his need for power had intense when his children leave home. The author writes, “We left home, married, had children of our own, found the seeds of meanness blooming also within us. Dad began dressing the pole with more complexity and less discernible logic” (Saunders 29). When his children moved away, he had no one to fall under his control that caused his strange and attention grabbing decorations soon after. This concludes the …show more content…
The author describes, “He ran lengths of string between the pole and the sticks, and taped to the string letters of apology, admissions of error, pleas for understanding, all written in a frantic hand on index cards” (Saunders 29). This explains the extent of grief he was feeling after his wife’s death, causing him to reach out to his children through the pole he decorated which others can relate to their own actions to cope with loss. In the academic journal, "Stress, Coping Styles, and Spousal Bereavement," it explains the research of grieving spouses and their coping behavior. The authors state, “It would seem that, following the death of a spouse, stress in the form of depression and anxiety is heightened, particularly in light of the loss of the primary attachment figure as well as the ‘erosion’ of the protective impact being married had afforded the bereaved spouse” (Somhlaba and Wait 206). This supports the actions of the father after his wife’s death, explaining his odd behavior to deal with the stress, depression, and anxiety. The father expressed his need for attention and support, however, couldn’t get from his children. The authors illustrate, “The supportive behaviors of the extended family networks did not adequately meet the emotional needs of the surviving spouse, especially that the void left by the deceased spouse could not be filled”