Publix : Where Shopping Should Be Essay

958 Words Nov 24th, 2016 4 Pages
Publix: Where Shopping Should Be, But is Not, a Pleasure

I think, in the Fall of 1930, George W. Jenkins endeavored to emulate lionized, yet-to-be-born-television-icon-Oprah-Winfrey. A furtive and sinisterly burly man, I believe, he traipsed into burgeoning Southeastern neighborhoods and bellowed, “You get a Publix! You get a Publix! YOU GET A PUBLIX!” Frightening (and expensive… so, so expensive). No one really wants to go to Publix, but Jenkins opened Pandora’s box 86 years ago, and now Southern consumers are left with little to no choice. Yeah, Target is cheaper… but it’s farther away. I mean, Publix is right there. It’s like tract-housing now; Publix, Publix, house, Publix, Mattress Discounters, Publix, in an insidious, inescapable cycle. Why? Why do we allow this? Is it because they slather wicked heaps of pungent, moss-colored coleslaw on every aptly-named “Pub Sub?” Picture it: George Jenkins, on a hot summer day, bites into a soggy sub drenched in steamy, rancid coleslaw, and with every bite, more and more of it slips under his sweaty cream wife-beater, cascades down his happy-trail, and peeks out at his waist. Surprise, it’s me, malodorous coleslaw. You’re drawn there, though… Jenkin’s charisma and spectral presence is just too strong to resist. It’s stifling outside, and inside it’s Verkhoyansk, Russia. You put a snug cardigan on (your Pub Snug) and retrieve your list, probably on your phone’s native note app, haphazardly written, with autocorrect forcing you…

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