Your title is pretty simple but it’s nice! I can sure your first sentence and second sentence are very attractive! (” Let's face it, everyone loves sitting down in front of something while eating or doing nothing. “) That makes me want to continue reading!! Moreover, I love your personal examples! That’s very helpful to understand your essay! Plus, your conclusion is very short but it’s great! “From looking at all of the positive effects of exercise, why wouldn't you go out and get active?” This sentence gives interesting and summarized well!! I agree with Dr. Bryan’s opinion to be better essay! I can sure if you revise your essay based on her suggestion, your essay will be much better!
Your title is pretty simple but it’s nice! I can sure your first sentence and second sentence are very attractive! (” Let's face it, everyone loves sitting down in front of something while eating or doing nothing. “) That makes me want to continue reading!! Moreover, I love your personal examples! That’s very helpful to understand your essay! Plus, your conclusion is very short but it’s great! “From looking at all of the positive effects of exercise, why wouldn't you go out and get active?” This sentence gives interesting and summarized well!! I agree with Dr. Bryan’s opinion to be better essay! I can sure if you revise your essay based on her suggestion, your essay will be much better!