“The Secret to Desire in a Long-Term Relationship”:
An Evidentiary Analysis
In 2013, renowned couples psychotherapist Esther Perel presented her talk at a TED Conference in New York titled “The Secret to Desire in a Long-Term Relationship.” Perel has authored two books on relationships and sexuality: Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence, published in 2006, and The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity, published in 2017. The primary focus of her talk was to explore the largest paradox she has uncovered in her observations of erotic couples: the coexistence of love and desire. Perel claims that a rise in individualistic ideals in modern society as well as the glorification of romanticism has resulted in a “crisis of desire,” …show more content…
Diamond (2004) admits “It is a truism that romantic love and sexual desire are not the same thing, but one might be hard pressed to cite empirical evidence to this effect.” However, recent neuroimaging techniques, primarily functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) studies, have begun to provide evidence used to identify similarities and differences between neural activity during experiences of romantic love and sexual desire. A meta-analysis by Capiccio et al. (2012) of 20 published fMRI studies concludes that there are several anatomical structures whose level of neural activity differs between romantic love and sexual desire. There is a notable difference in insular activity: fMRI scans showed an active posterior insula when the participant was sexually stimulated, contrasted with active anterior insula when the participant was romantically stimulated. The study concludes this finding indicates a neurological basis for the idea that love is a more abstract representation on the more sensorimotor lower-order motivation of desire. However there is also a shared brain network (the striatum, thalamus, hippocampus, anterior cingulate cortex, middle frontal, superior temporal, and precentral gyrus, and occipo-temporal cortices) that regulates rewards and goal-oriented behavior for both romantic love and sexual desire. This research does not dispute Perel’s claims, but adds another layer: love and desire are distinct, however they stem from the same neurological basis and occur on a spectrum rather than two separate
An Evidentiary Analysis
In 2013, renowned couples psychotherapist Esther Perel presented her talk at a TED Conference in New York titled “The Secret to Desire in a Long-Term Relationship.” Perel has authored two books on relationships and sexuality: Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence, published in 2006, and The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity, published in 2017. The primary focus of her talk was to explore the largest paradox she has uncovered in her observations of erotic couples: the coexistence of love and desire. Perel claims that a rise in individualistic ideals in modern society as well as the glorification of romanticism has resulted in a “crisis of desire,” …show more content…
Diamond (2004) admits “It is a truism that romantic love and sexual desire are not the same thing, but one might be hard pressed to cite empirical evidence to this effect.” However, recent neuroimaging techniques, primarily functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) studies, have begun to provide evidence used to identify similarities and differences between neural activity during experiences of romantic love and sexual desire. A meta-analysis by Capiccio et al. (2012) of 20 published fMRI studies concludes that there are several anatomical structures whose level of neural activity differs between romantic love and sexual desire. There is a notable difference in insular activity: fMRI scans showed an active posterior insula when the participant was sexually stimulated, contrasted with active anterior insula when the participant was romantically stimulated. The study concludes this finding indicates a neurological basis for the idea that love is a more abstract representation on the more sensorimotor lower-order motivation of desire. However there is also a shared brain network (the striatum, thalamus, hippocampus, anterior cingulate cortex, middle frontal, superior temporal, and precentral gyrus, and occipo-temporal cortices) that regulates rewards and goal-oriented behavior for both romantic love and sexual desire. This research does not dispute Perel’s claims, but adds another layer: love and desire are distinct, however they stem from the same neurological basis and occur on a spectrum rather than two separate