Avalon Zoppo
Professor Matthew Mangold
Expository Writing
9 September, 2014
“Be strong. Be independent. Be successful”—while this advice may seem sound, it is actually preventing a generation of 20-something’s from finding what they desire in a relationship. In Leslie Bell’s Hard to Get: Twenty-Something Women and the Paradox of Sexual Freedom, the idea of “splitting”—an extreme set of behaviors or way of thinking used as a defense mechanism—is addressed in relation to 20 year olds of today. Twenty-first century women face a sexual paradox: they are told to avoid serious relationships in order to become strong and independent, which has led to an enormous amount of sexual freedom that they are unable to navigate. In order to combat this paradox, …show more content…
To stay in control of their identity, the sexual woman will proudly state viewpoints and make sure that her presence is known in a room, whether by acting energetically, assertively, or loudly. Once again, a prime example of this identity is Jayanthi, whose “enthusiasm for life, for dance, and for political causes was palpable…she expressed strong opinions to things in life that mattered to her” (Bell, 32). Because the sexual woman fears losing her identity in a man, she compensates by creating an aggressive social …show more content…
As a result, the relational woman can never fully fulfill sexual desires in a relationship for fear of overwhelming her man and identify as a “good girl.” In Bell’s book, Alicia is coined a good girl who “enjoys flirting at work when she knew it was safe” (Bell, 41). Alicia is comfortable being a good girl in relationships, but feels unsafe in sexual interactions with men to whom she is close—a defense mechanism she uses because she was sexually abused as a child. Bell states, “The more distant a man, the safer he felt to her,” and thus vice versa. Because Alicia is so focused on being a “good girl” in order to secure the traditional family that she never had as a child, she will never develop sexual feelings in a long-lasting relationship. “By being a good girl, she would acquire a good man who would treat her well, want to marry her, and build a ‘respectable’ life with her.” However, as a result of splitting, Alicia won’t have romance with her partner, one of the key components of a deep, intimate
Professor Matthew Mangold
Expository Writing
9 September, 2014
“Be strong. Be independent. Be successful”—while this advice may seem sound, it is actually preventing a generation of 20-something’s from finding what they desire in a relationship. In Leslie Bell’s Hard to Get: Twenty-Something Women and the Paradox of Sexual Freedom, the idea of “splitting”—an extreme set of behaviors or way of thinking used as a defense mechanism—is addressed in relation to 20 year olds of today. Twenty-first century women face a sexual paradox: they are told to avoid serious relationships in order to become strong and independent, which has led to an enormous amount of sexual freedom that they are unable to navigate. In order to combat this paradox, …show more content…
To stay in control of their identity, the sexual woman will proudly state viewpoints and make sure that her presence is known in a room, whether by acting energetically, assertively, or loudly. Once again, a prime example of this identity is Jayanthi, whose “enthusiasm for life, for dance, and for political causes was palpable…she expressed strong opinions to things in life that mattered to her” (Bell, 32). Because the sexual woman fears losing her identity in a man, she compensates by creating an aggressive social …show more content…
As a result, the relational woman can never fully fulfill sexual desires in a relationship for fear of overwhelming her man and identify as a “good girl.” In Bell’s book, Alicia is coined a good girl who “enjoys flirting at work when she knew it was safe” (Bell, 41). Alicia is comfortable being a good girl in relationships, but feels unsafe in sexual interactions with men to whom she is close—a defense mechanism she uses because she was sexually abused as a child. Bell states, “The more distant a man, the safer he felt to her,” and thus vice versa. Because Alicia is so focused on being a “good girl” in order to secure the traditional family that she never had as a child, she will never develop sexual feelings in a long-lasting relationship. “By being a good girl, she would acquire a good man who would treat her well, want to marry her, and build a ‘respectable’ life with her.” However, as a result of splitting, Alicia won’t have romance with her partner, one of the key components of a deep, intimate