The Need To Follow ABCD Model

Improved Essays
Anger is just an external expression of our internal feelings like fear, frustration and hurt. We need to have a better understanding of our ‘anger’. Many a times without understanding the basics behind anger, we tend to express it and later regret for it. What is the way, by which we can understand our anger?. To understand our anger, we need to follow ABCD model or the Responsibility Empowering Action Method.
Situation: I am angry towards by wife. I have asked her to arrange my shelve. But when I came from office, I saw my shelve and it was a mess. She dint do what I instructed.
Self Reflection:
What am I fearful of?
I am afraid that I am losing my control as a husband.
What am I frustrated about?
Every time I give any instructions she is not listening to
…show more content…
I can sit and talk with my wife and ask her difficult in doing the work. I can remind her about the work that is to be done. I can ask the children to help my wife in house hold chores.

Behind all these four process, there is one big giant who is controlling you. Yes, you are right. It is your self-talk. It is nothing but what you say to you or communicates to yourself in any situation. Beware of your self-talk. This is a small worksheet to act on your self-talk.
In an anger provoking situation think,
• What self-talk is mot upsetting you right now?
• Then try to answer these three questions
Is it a fact? Yes/No
Is this self-talk calming you? Yes/No. Why is it not calming you?
Is it giving good ideas to get what you want? Yes/No. What ‘bad ideas’ your self-talk is fuelling?
• If you answer ‘No’ to one or more of the questions then you need to work on it.
Ways to control anger
• Move away from the place
• Choose a calm place and observe your thoughts and self talk
• Analyze if there is any truth in this self talk and your thoughts
• Contemplate on how you behaved
• Understand the consequences of your

Related Documents

  • Improved Essays

    Sometime the feedback is wrong and sometime our feedback is in our blind spots. Relationship Triggers: I can’t hear this feedback from you, our perception of feedback is influenced by the person giving the feedback. We are triggered by their credibility and trustworthiness, as well as how we are treated by that person and by the way feel about them too. There is hurt, suspicion, and anger produced by relationship trigger. We have to disentangle the feedback from the relationship issues that were triggers.…

    • 1372 Words
    • 6 Pages
    Improved Essays
  • Great Essays

    It is childish to believe that teacher don't give marks just because they don't like their students. All negative beliefs originate from "should", "must", have to", "need to" statements. To overcome these irrational beliefs, you should be closed to reality and beliefs that you are moving toward achieving your goals. Philosophical dispute or Socratic dispute: In this type of dispute, a therapist tries to provide pleasurable thinking instead of depressed thinking and come up with a new outlook of life. Here, they change irrational or negative beliefs of their clients and asks them to test their newly formed positive beliefs and asks questions to think logically and empirically about both rational and irrational beliefs.…

    • 1259 Words
    • 6 Pages
    Great Essays
  • Improved Essays

    Moreover, people need to learn how to deal with criticism as not all comments are good for them. The first thing when listening to comments is that people have to be calm and analyze criticism about them. If comments are used to figure out their mistakes and some improvements, they should take advantages of those to improve themselves. But when the criticisms try to attack people and put them down, they do not need to be angry or depressed, just ignore it. In addition, the language is very important, people need to be careful in word choices as their purpose is to discuss together to find solution but not to make…

    • 807 Words
    • 4 Pages
    Improved Essays
  • Superior Essays

    Eula Biss in her essay, “On Immunity: An Inoculation” brings a great point on how people seem to base their paranoia off of other people’s fears, and lack of knowledge. Due to this, we have come to this one-sided mentality, and have started a war between right and wrong. And all because we are afraid of what can happen. Discussed in the essay is the nature of people and how they make decisions based on fears rather than facts. She…

    • 1435 Words
    • 6 Pages
    Superior Essays
  • Decent Essays

    You can do this through intervention,therapy, or you yourself having a conversation on why and how they should stop. Because words can be used in a negative way it could distress a person's self esteem.This could happen through verbal bullying that ad on after time and might have dire consequences if not addressed soon enough.Words have such a big impact on people that one negative word can make them rethink everything they do.…

    • 251 Words
    • 2 Pages
    Decent Essays
  • Great Essays

    Book Report/ Critique Paper #2 Addictive Thinking Understanding Self-Deception The book Addictive Thinking, by Abraham J. Twerski is intended to help those that are codependent and those that are in recovery and teach them about addictive thinking and how to overcome it. It talks about how those that have an addiction think. Sometimes we fail to recognize that self-deception can be harmful. Deceptive thinkers can hurt everyone around them. It is difficult to accept the reality of the problem so instead we come up with other excuses to excuse our problem.…

    • 1138 Words
    • 5 Pages
    Great Essays
  • Great Essays

    It is a consequence by considering the belief system of reticent individuals. They understand the need to communicate but they perceive themselves as helplessly incompetent. Devaluation. the reticent individuals understand the need of communication but consider themselves as unable to be good communicator as they experience cognitive dissonance which they alleviate in part by devaluing communication. Withdrawal.…

    • 2079 Words
    • 9 Pages
    Great Essays
  • Improved Essays

    Instead they form a base of human personality. Among the forgotten experiences, consternation becomes a complex which can cause pain and suffering (Matton, 1999). That is why the negative complexes are likely to be settled as the shadow, the unpleasant dark side, in people’s mind. That is why many, both consciously and unconsciously, try to hide their complexes by showing behaviors like rejecting, avoiding, pretending, attacking, and more. For both major and minor emotional disorder, facing their problems through introspection is necessary.…

    • 770 Words
    • 4 Pages
    Improved Essays
  • Improved Essays

    The Dalai Lama Analysis

    • 951 Words
    • 4 Pages

    His solution to controlling anger was working on reasoning and patience. He uses his theory on anger to back his claim that humans are interdependent by stating that humans need both bad experiences and bad people in order to practice and develop their reasoning and patience skills. Lastly, he explains that there is a difference between attachment and actual affection. Growing attached to a significant other or family member is not the same as loving them. He claims that only true affection will create genuine…

    • 951 Words
    • 4 Pages
    Improved Essays
  • Improved Essays

    Also, negative feelings will affect my judgment. 3. Describe how the following emotional states affect your thinking: love, hate, loneliness, frustrations, sorrow, ecstasy, anxiety, and embarrassment. Answer: These emotional states such as love, hate and so on will all affect my thinking because I will not think the event logically and overall. Also I could not go below the event, and then reorganize the event in order to make a judgment.…

    • 1102 Words
    • 4 Pages
    Improved Essays