Self Reflection On Care Frontation

794 Words 4 Pages
Anger is just an external expression of our internal feelings like fear, frustration and hurt. We need to have a better understanding of our ‘anger’. Many a times without understanding the basics behind anger, we tend to express it and later regret for it. What is the way, by which we can understand our anger?. To understand our anger, we need to follow ABCD model or the Responsibility Empowering Action Method.
Situation: I am angry towards by wife. I have asked her to arrange my shelve. But when I came from office, I saw my shelve and it was a mess. She dint do what I instructed.
Self Reflection:
What am I fearful of?
I am afraid that I am losing my control as a husband.
What am I frustrated about?
Every time I give any instructions she
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I started to yell and throw things.

What belief system did it trigger?
I always had a belief system that, wife should always listen to husband, and only when they don’t respect their husband, they tend to avoid the instructions given.
What assumption did I make about the present circumstance and the person?
Assumption about my wife: She has no respect on me. She is avoiding me
Assumptions about the situation: What a awful day it is?
Care Frontation
When I express my anger what is my motive in this?
Am I trying to correct her?
No. If my intention is to correct her, then I would have tried to talk about this with her and ask what is that which interferes in fulfilling my instructions? But I never did that. So my intention is not to correct her, but make her feel guilty for not listening to me, and by shouting at her, I am indirectly putting a pressure on her to listen to me, without understanding her.
Am I trying to control her?
Yes in a way I am trying to control her, and take her for granted. I try to use my role (the role of husband) and control her.
Is there any positive constructive change in our
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I can sit and talk with my wife and ask her difficult in doing the work. I can remind her about the work that is to be done. I can ask the children to help my wife in house hold chores.

Behind all these four process, there is one big giant who is controlling you. Yes, you are right. It is your self-talk. It is nothing but what you say to you or communicates to yourself in any situation. Beware of your self-talk. This is a small worksheet to act on your self-talk.
In an anger provoking situation think,
• What self-talk is mot upsetting you right now?
• Then try to answer these three questions
Is it a fact? Yes/No
Is this self-talk calming you? Yes/No. Why is it not calming you?
Is it giving good ideas to get what you want? Yes/No. What ‘bad ideas’ your self-talk is fuelling?
• If you answer ‘No’ to one or more of the questions then you need to work on it.
Ways to control anger
• Move away from the place
• Choose a calm place and observe your thoughts and self talk
• Analyze if there is any truth in this self talk and your thoughts
• Contemplate on how you behaved
• Understand the consequences of your

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