Dennis Tran
Professor J. Blake
English Composition I
15 October 2015 The Education of Monika Kicilinkska In a peer editing section in English Composition I, I was assigned to critique Monika Kicilinska’s paper about what aspects of education would she want in return of acquiring . In general, Monika displayed a clear view in regards to her thoughts about education; however, I believe that there are some ways in which her writing could have been improved. The assignment is to write about of what categories of education would she want and how it will serve towards achieving her goals. Each category must be diverse towards on what education means to her and how it will develop in making life better in her vision. The organization in Monika’s …show more content…
She takes the 1st person view to an extensive value and provides examples from her past to everyday life, such as being “originally from a small village in Poland”. She was specific on where she had her education and how the class size affect her view of way of learning. It not only shows she’s willing to share her knowledge of everyday life, but also gives insight of her education. The fact that she talks about herself adds more depth to the ideas of her paper. She has a great amount of content in each paragraph that add emphasis to her …show more content…
For example, she uses personal -nouns such as “tolerate” and “acceptance” for explaining the subject of disability and sexual orientation. It elaborate on how these two subjects will help the reader to understand her thoughts of the matter. While the diction is fitting for the topic, her syntax seems to be unclear of specific details on the paper. There are repetitive of words that doesn’t flow from what she’s trying to develop of creating a sense of her meaning of education such as, “I need to be more formal when I am talking to my professor where I can talk, however I want when I am talking to my friend. However, I am not going to talk the same to all of my friends because they all have different personalities.” It doesn’t make a clarity of what she wants to do with her education. She should remove unnecessary wording to make some sentences in each paragraph clearly for the
Professor J. Blake
English Composition I
15 October 2015 The Education of Monika Kicilinkska In a peer editing section in English Composition I, I was assigned to critique Monika Kicilinska’s paper about what aspects of education would she want in return of acquiring . In general, Monika displayed a clear view in regards to her thoughts about education; however, I believe that there are some ways in which her writing could have been improved. The assignment is to write about of what categories of education would she want and how it will serve towards achieving her goals. Each category must be diverse towards on what education means to her and how it will develop in making life better in her vision. The organization in Monika’s …show more content…
She takes the 1st person view to an extensive value and provides examples from her past to everyday life, such as being “originally from a small village in Poland”. She was specific on where she had her education and how the class size affect her view of way of learning. It not only shows she’s willing to share her knowledge of everyday life, but also gives insight of her education. The fact that she talks about herself adds more depth to the ideas of her paper. She has a great amount of content in each paragraph that add emphasis to her …show more content…
For example, she uses personal -nouns such as “tolerate” and “acceptance” for explaining the subject of disability and sexual orientation. It elaborate on how these two subjects will help the reader to understand her thoughts of the matter. While the diction is fitting for the topic, her syntax seems to be unclear of specific details on the paper. There are repetitive of words that doesn’t flow from what she’s trying to develop of creating a sense of her meaning of education such as, “I need to be more formal when I am talking to my professor where I can talk, however I want when I am talking to my friend. However, I am not going to talk the same to all of my friends because they all have different personalities.” It doesn’t make a clarity of what she wants to do with her education. She should remove unnecessary wording to make some sentences in each paragraph clearly for the