After reviewing the essay, I felt it is in need of quite a bit of revision. There are quite a bit of grammatical errors. The first error I noticed right away with the essay was the first paragraph. There was a lot of Simple sentences used I would have liked to see more variety in sentence choice. Personally I would have changed the topic sentence a bit to draw in my readers and grab their attention. Throughout the second and third paragraphs the transition of the paper really began, the writer really provided a lot of sensory detail to engage the reader. There were a few spelling and punctuation errors as well throughout the paper.
• Purpose and audience – Yes the audience of the paper was clear. The audience of the paper are those whom
• Purpose and audience – Yes the audience of the paper was clear. The audience of the paper are those whom