Lavender And Cavaiola Chapter 1 Summary

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In the following chapter, Lavender and Cavaiola focuses on controlling perfectionist in three different relationships; romantic, parental and work. They discuss how a controlling perfectionist acts in each setting and the distinct problems they present. When you don’t have constant interaction with these people everyday, they don’t seem to cause any problems, but when you’re dealing with a perfectionist daily, it can take a toll on you.

As a romantic partner, controlling perfectionists come off as perfectly coordinated, responsible, and attractive. They take great pride in how they look and always seem to have their life figured out. People who come from dysfunctional families and grew up in damaging homes tend to attract controlling perfectionists
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They want their family and home to live up to their ideal expectations. Picture this, lawn is always freshly cut, house is never dirty, and kids are constantly on their best behavior. But beneath this perfect family lies a deeper dysfunctional family pattern. Since they are devoted to fitting this ideal image, the parents are constantly criticizing and correcting their children to the point where the child feels they are never good enough. He or she then becomes very critical of themselves and carries that with them growing up. The parents set unrealistic boundaries and limitations for their children that don’t account for the children's own wishes or talents. While the parents do care for their kids safety and want to see them succeed, they only want to see it within the lines of their goals and visions for that child. This interferes with the most important part of a kids life growing up, not being able to choose their own direction in life. These critical parents are persistent in dwelling on the bad and never looking at the good. Another aspect brought up about perfectionist and controlling parents is how is affects the kids during their adolescent years. Some children may grow up to be just as critical and be controlling parents as well. Others might take their parents critical actions and try to change how critical they are on themselves and their children. All they do now for their

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