Narrative Essay On Stonewalling

Destructive Conflict Unfortunately, all of the four horsemen characteristics have been used against me at one time in my life. However, in a previous relationship, Esther, my girlfriend at the time, used the defensive characteristics effectively against me, and was used in harmful ways. Early on in our relationship, everything was amazing, perfect girl, perfect family, and everything seemed to be going smooth. However, one afternoon I became extremely ill to the point that I was hospitalized when I passed out. Eventually, I awoke 5 days later in the ICU and had no recollection of where I was at, unfortunately, no one notified my girlfriend where I was at. However, once she was notified, she did visit me, but displayed emotional pain and distance …show more content…
As a result, I have come to the realization that I now use stonewalling constantly in my life. After that destructive relationship, whenever I feel tension, I effectively stonewall. I have begun to use this mode not only in my personal life, but in my professional life at work. At work, I feel no need to engage and participate in the conversation that arise throughout the day, I chose to sit and do my job requirements and work my required hours. However, I lessen the use of stonewalling at work and employ the use of holding back. It is essential to hold back what I really want to express but do not feel comfortable releasing vital information at the time and will not respond accordingly. Looking back at where this has come from I would associate this with having trust issues that were brought on by my ex-girlfriend but I am not phycologist. Furthermore, can using the defensiveness characteristics in a proper way promote communication that is honest and constructively? Yes, if my ex-girlfriend and I would have known to use supportive climates instead of defensive climates, we might have been able to work out our differences. I feel that if we would have taken time and not …show more content…
There have been times where these conflicts have done the opposite and has cause other to connect with others dealing with the same issues, and thus builds closure between individuals who chose to listen and relate to the situations. However, with the implication of supportive climates there can still be hope in saving relationships if both parties chose to fix the situation instead of allowing the spiral to evolve into a level that cannot be restored. As Hocker and Wilmot (2014) explain support means you see the other person as a worthwhile human that deserves to be heard (p