The second horseman is contempt. Contempt is another element that lead to a divorce.
Oliver tells Dara that he needs fifteen minutes to relax when he gets home before starting to do chores."So if I leave you alone for fifteen minutes, then you think you'll be motivated to jump up and do something?" she asks him. "Maybe. We haven't tried it, have we?" Oliver asks. Dara has an opportunity here to soften up, but instead she comes back with sarcasm. "I think you do a pretty good job of coming home and lying around or disappearing into the bathroom," she says. And then she adds challengingly "So you think that's the cure- all, to give you fifteen minutes?" ( Gottman 29) In the example that Gottman used, Dara used sarcasm and was sneering at Oliver.
Gottman later explains that sarcasm and cynicism are types of contempt. Name calling, eye-rolling, sneering, mockery, and hostile humor are also types of contempt. Contempt is described as the worst of the four horsemen. Contempt is a good example of bad verbal communication. Using contempt in a argument causes more conflict and will not let the differences be settled. …show more content…
In the previous example, Dara is becoming contemptuous. Oliver starts to get defensive because Dara is tearing him down. The more defensive Oliver would get the more Dara would attack him (Gottman 31). Defensiveness is more like a way of blaming the other person. Neither, the attacker or attacked, back down because they both get defensive. Defensiveness is deadly because it just creates more conflict. Defensiveness does not help the situation because it does not help resolve the conflict. Defensiveness is also an example of bad verbal communication because it just escalates the conflict. If there is good communication there would be no need to get defensive. Defensiveness could be avoided if one tries to have good communication with their
Oliver tells Dara that he needs fifteen minutes to relax when he gets home before starting to do chores."So if I leave you alone for fifteen minutes, then you think you'll be motivated to jump up and do something?" she asks him. "Maybe. We haven't tried it, have we?" Oliver asks. Dara has an opportunity here to soften up, but instead she comes back with sarcasm. "I think you do a pretty good job of coming home and lying around or disappearing into the bathroom," she says. And then she adds challengingly "So you think that's the cure- all, to give you fifteen minutes?" ( Gottman 29) In the example that Gottman used, Dara used sarcasm and was sneering at Oliver.
Gottman later explains that sarcasm and cynicism are types of contempt. Name calling, eye-rolling, sneering, mockery, and hostile humor are also types of contempt. Contempt is described as the worst of the four horsemen. Contempt is a good example of bad verbal communication. Using contempt in a argument causes more conflict and will not let the differences be settled. …show more content…
In the previous example, Dara is becoming contemptuous. Oliver starts to get defensive because Dara is tearing him down. The more defensive Oliver would get the more Dara would attack him (Gottman 31). Defensiveness is more like a way of blaming the other person. Neither, the attacker or attacked, back down because they both get defensive. Defensiveness is deadly because it just creates more conflict. Defensiveness does not help the situation because it does not help resolve the conflict. Defensiveness is also an example of bad verbal communication because it just escalates the conflict. If there is good communication there would be no need to get defensive. Defensiveness could be avoided if one tries to have good communication with their