Many individuals struggle with communication when it comes to the opposite sex. Despite one believing he/she is handling a conversation with grace, numerous times the other communicator feels he/she has been wronged. In her book, You Just Don’t Understand, Deborah Tannen explores why some conversations can be hurtful instead of helpful. While some may question her claims, Tannen’s book gives many examples from personal experiences, other’s experiences, and acclaimed research that supports her postulates.
In addition to Tannen’s examples creating credibility, Tannen refers to other books she is known for. She penned the renowned book on communication, That’s Not What I Meant, which has sold over one million copies. You Just Don’t Understand, …show more content…
Her book opens with a riveting story about her ex-husband. Using this story and many others, the first chapter builds the foundation for the rest of the book. Tannen expresses the basic needs of men and women regarding society. She suggests that men desire independence while women prefer intimacy. In the sequential chapters, Tannen expands this idea by adding elements that help one better understand why and how men and women communicate.
Emphasizing the idea of independence and intimacy, Tannen provides the reader with definitions to help them gain a deeper knowledge of what she is suggesting. According to Tannen, intimacy is essential in communication because it tries to eliminate conflict and create equality. Unlike intimacy, independence in communication is crucial because it creates inequality through status (26).
In some situations, these opposite desires seem to work well together. An example given illustrates how men and women may perceive the same situation in a different light. If a man were to hold open a door for a woman, or signal her forward at a four way stop, he is establishing status. The man establishes status not by allowing a woman to go first, but rather through granting her permission to go first. However, the woman may think that the man is being courteous and trying to have a friendly nature. Or, she may see the man as trying to be superior but will avoid conflict by going …show more content…
One important topic Tannen touches on about stereotyping in verbal communication between men and women is gossip. When it comes to the topic of gossip, most people readily agree it is more common among women than men. Where this agreement usually ends is why women gossip. Gossip holds a very negative connotation; which Tannen attempts to redefine. Tannen states there is a difference between destructive gossip and friendly gossip. She claims the difference is talking about something or someone instead of talking against them. One implication of Tannen’s statement is that gossip can be used for good or bad but, because women desire intimacy, it is often more friendly than destructive
In addition to Tannen’s examples creating credibility, Tannen refers to other books she is known for. She penned the renowned book on communication, That’s Not What I Meant, which has sold over one million copies. You Just Don’t Understand, …show more content…
Her book opens with a riveting story about her ex-husband. Using this story and many others, the first chapter builds the foundation for the rest of the book. Tannen expresses the basic needs of men and women regarding society. She suggests that men desire independence while women prefer intimacy. In the sequential chapters, Tannen expands this idea by adding elements that help one better understand why and how men and women communicate.
Emphasizing the idea of independence and intimacy, Tannen provides the reader with definitions to help them gain a deeper knowledge of what she is suggesting. According to Tannen, intimacy is essential in communication because it tries to eliminate conflict and create equality. Unlike intimacy, independence in communication is crucial because it creates inequality through status (26).
In some situations, these opposite desires seem to work well together. An example given illustrates how men and women may perceive the same situation in a different light. If a man were to hold open a door for a woman, or signal her forward at a four way stop, he is establishing status. The man establishes status not by allowing a woman to go first, but rather through granting her permission to go first. However, the woman may think that the man is being courteous and trying to have a friendly nature. Or, she may see the man as trying to be superior but will avoid conflict by going …show more content…
One important topic Tannen touches on about stereotyping in verbal communication between men and women is gossip. When it comes to the topic of gossip, most people readily agree it is more common among women than men. Where this agreement usually ends is why women gossip. Gossip holds a very negative connotation; which Tannen attempts to redefine. Tannen states there is a difference between destructive gossip and friendly gossip. She claims the difference is talking about something or someone instead of talking against them. One implication of Tannen’s statement is that gossip can be used for good or bad but, because women desire intimacy, it is often more friendly than destructive