Apology and Gender: Why Are Women Always Saying Sorry? How many times have you apologized for something even though you were not at fault? More often than not, women are always saying sorry in everyday situations, such as asking a question or bumping into someone. And it is a widely accepted stereotype that women apologize more than men, but there is more to the interpretations of this gender difference. In June 2014, Pantene challenged this issue with the release of the Shine Strong ad campaign, including the “Not Sorry” video. This ad opens up by asking the question “Why are women always apologizing?” and continues to show different instances in which women apologize. Then it follows up with the ad’s message: “Don’t be sorry. Be strong
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In You Just Don’t Understand (1990), she stated that “The answer is for both men and women to try to take each other on their own terms rather than applying the standards of one group to the behavior of the other…Understanding style differences for what they are takes the sting out of them” (p. 58). In summary, the genderlect theory focuses on identifying, acknowledging and valuing the communication differences between genders rather than imposing defined …show more content…
Holmes (1989) examined these gender differences in the features of an apology, including when and how an apology was delivered. Although she addressed that it is socially acceptable in the western culture for men to be viewed as the more dominant group, many of her findings still aligned with both the genderlect theory and the Pantene “Not Sorry” video. For example, Holmes (1989) states that women apologized more than men when interrupting in a conversation. There are two similar instances in the ad where a woman says sorry before asking a question during a meeting and also when opening a door and asking someone if they could step aside for a second to talk. Both cases can be classified as what Holmes called “talk offences” because it occurred during verbal communication (1989). Another type of offence observed was “space offence,” in which accidental body contact occurs. There is a scene in the video in which a woman apologizes when a man accidentally bumps into her elbow in a waiting room. She was clearly not at fault, as it was an accident, but she continued to say sorry anyway. With the finding that women are more likely to apologize for such “space offences”, this type of behavior conforms to the genderlect theory even though it is not verbal. Tannen (1990) believes that “to most women, conflict is a threat to connection—to be avoided at all costs” (p. 150). The act
In You Just Don’t Understand (1990), she stated that “The answer is for both men and women to try to take each other on their own terms rather than applying the standards of one group to the behavior of the other…Understanding style differences for what they are takes the sting out of them” (p. 58). In summary, the genderlect theory focuses on identifying, acknowledging and valuing the communication differences between genders rather than imposing defined …show more content…
Holmes (1989) examined these gender differences in the features of an apology, including when and how an apology was delivered. Although she addressed that it is socially acceptable in the western culture for men to be viewed as the more dominant group, many of her findings still aligned with both the genderlect theory and the Pantene “Not Sorry” video. For example, Holmes (1989) states that women apologized more than men when interrupting in a conversation. There are two similar instances in the ad where a woman says sorry before asking a question during a meeting and also when opening a door and asking someone if they could step aside for a second to talk. Both cases can be classified as what Holmes called “talk offences” because it occurred during verbal communication (1989). Another type of offence observed was “space offence,” in which accidental body contact occurs. There is a scene in the video in which a woman apologizes when a man accidentally bumps into her elbow in a waiting room. She was clearly not at fault, as it was an accident, but she continued to say sorry anyway. With the finding that women are more likely to apologize for such “space offences”, this type of behavior conforms to the genderlect theory even though it is not verbal. Tannen (1990) believes that “to most women, conflict is a threat to connection—to be avoided at all costs” (p. 150). The act