THEO presents as an action, thriller with a sci-fi element. The idea of a boy with a special genetic code that might be the answer to curing illness has merit. This type of plot is always a nice setup for action and conflict. It also has the opportunity to explain solid moral issues about immortality and the advances of science. There are solid themes about survival.
The strength of this script is the character of Theo. He’s an easy protagonist to care about and root for. The idea of him living in an underground world and being forced into the above world is a very smart story choice. There’s a nice element of a “fish out of water” tale.
The other strength is the idea of Theo teaming up with Shane. They share solid buddy chemistry.
Thus, while these …show more content…
As mentioned, however, they serve the same function and there’s no need for both of them. Thus, combine them as characters and then give the character a backstory that creates inner conflict. It’s not suggested to kill Shane as currently structured.
It also might be best to create a twist involving Edward Gregers. For example, Theo finally makes it to his house, only for Gregers to betray Theo and give him over to Sharp and his men. It is confusing keeping track of all the Gregers men: Edward, Axel, and Bishop Gregers.
The FBI characters feel a bit too generic. Consider making the main FBI agent a woman, given there are no strong, consistent women in the script. Find a way to make the agent feel more distinctive.
Trim dialogue, especially in the slow, more passive scenes with the FBI.
Tension works well when Theo has to escape the bunker. One can feel his genuine fear. It also works well when he finally arrives at Gregers’ house as Sharp waits for him. The stakes rise when he realizes his parents are alive.
There are some typos and formatting errors. On page 77, it should be Hayes talking not Shane (he was already
The strength of this script is the character of Theo. He’s an easy protagonist to care about and root for. The idea of him living in an underground world and being forced into the above world is a very smart story choice. There’s a nice element of a “fish out of water” tale.
The other strength is the idea of Theo teaming up with Shane. They share solid buddy chemistry.
Thus, while these …show more content…
As mentioned, however, they serve the same function and there’s no need for both of them. Thus, combine them as characters and then give the character a backstory that creates inner conflict. It’s not suggested to kill Shane as currently structured.
It also might be best to create a twist involving Edward Gregers. For example, Theo finally makes it to his house, only for Gregers to betray Theo and give him over to Sharp and his men. It is confusing keeping track of all the Gregers men: Edward, Axel, and Bishop Gregers.
The FBI characters feel a bit too generic. Consider making the main FBI agent a woman, given there are no strong, consistent women in the script. Find a way to make the agent feel more distinctive.
Trim dialogue, especially in the slow, more passive scenes with the FBI.
Tension works well when Theo has to escape the bunker. One can feel his genuine fear. It also works well when he finally arrives at Gregers’ house as Sharp waits for him. The stakes rise when he realizes his parents are alive.
There are some typos and formatting errors. On page 77, it should be Hayes talking not Shane (he was already