I was thrilled to be in Hawaii, and it didn 't take long for me to overcome my fear of leaving my family and friends behind. After settling into housing on Schofield Barracks, it didn 't take long for me to get acquainted with the neighborhood wives. Nor, did it take long for them to share their problems they were encountering in their marriages since transferring here. However, I was not prepared to face the reality and rumors I had heard, regarding the high divorce rate for military families after deployment.
Some families were newly married, and some had been married for five years or more. They were all sharing the same concern, which was, they had never dealt with these types of stressors prior to moving here. A lot of the wives did not work because of constantly moving around with their spouses. Some were stay at home wives, and some were seeking employment while working on continuing their education. Some husbands did not want their wives to work, due to insecurities within the marriage. Many wives were dealing with domestic dispute, verbal abuse, emotional abuse, alcohol abuse, drug abuse, and others were dealing with infidelity issues. They were afraid of seeking counseling through the military, because they did not want to jeopardize creating bigger problems within the marriage, or possibly end their husbands career. One wife said that when she suggested to her husband to seek martial counseling, he went into a rage, told her he did not have a problem, and threatened to divorce her. Because my husband was a high ranking officer, there was a line of respect from fellow service members (neighbors.) My husband and I were constantly intervening, and counseling families experiencing domestic disputes on a weekly basis, and sometimes two to three times a week. My home had become the house of refuge for many families. The domestic disputes with the families escalated, and my husband and I were constantly being called in the middle of the night, and on weekends to intervene. This was beginning to take a toll on my marriage, as well as, interfering with our quality time. At this point, it was time to take action. I was determined not let the problems of others effect my marriage. As I began to assess the concerns the wives were sharing and experiencing, I realized that the common denominator was; all of our husbands had served in either Desert Storm, Iraq, or the Afghanistan War. After returning from the war zone, families were immediately transferred to other duty stations, without having the opportunity to deal with the traumatic events the service member suffered, as a result of the war. Nor, did they have time to readjust/integrate with their families. This seemed to be a major problem in many military marriages. This prompted me to research articles on the cause and effect of marriages after deployment. The first onset of the Iraq war between 1990-2008 was one of the significant reasons for the high divorce in marriages during deployment. …show more content…
Long and extended separation from families, and the stress on family structure as well as, social functioning, was also a contributing factor for marriages to fail. Military marriages are more at risk when couples spend too much time away from each other, and depending on the service members MOS (military occupational specialty), the service member who served multiple deployments, are at a greater risk of divorce than others.
In the article "How Deployment Stress Affects Families", Department of Veterans Affairs, claims that not only are families effected by stressors during and after deployment, but they are also effected by the multiple moves to different duty stations. The article also claims that the news of deployment has an emotional effect, as well as, fear and sadness on families, when it is closer for the service member to depart. The purpose of the article is to give insight on some of the reasons, causes and effect, of families effected by deployment. The second concern the wives shared, was communication within the marriage, and this had become a major issue with majority of the families. They shared that when their spouses returned from deployment, their relationships within their marriages had changed. Their husbands
Some families were newly married, and some had been married for five years or more. They were all sharing the same concern, which was, they had never dealt with these types of stressors prior to moving here. A lot of the wives did not work because of constantly moving around with their spouses. Some were stay at home wives, and some were seeking employment while working on continuing their education. Some husbands did not want their wives to work, due to insecurities within the marriage. Many wives were dealing with domestic dispute, verbal abuse, emotional abuse, alcohol abuse, drug abuse, and others were dealing with infidelity issues. They were afraid of seeking counseling through the military, because they did not want to jeopardize creating bigger problems within the marriage, or possibly end their husbands career. One wife said that when she suggested to her husband to seek martial counseling, he went into a rage, told her he did not have a problem, and threatened to divorce her. Because my husband was a high ranking officer, there was a line of respect from fellow service members (neighbors.) My husband and I were constantly intervening, and counseling families experiencing domestic disputes on a weekly basis, and sometimes two to three times a week. My home had become the house of refuge for many families. The domestic disputes with the families escalated, and my husband and I were constantly being called in the middle of the night, and on weekends to intervene. This was beginning to take a toll on my marriage, as well as, interfering with our quality time. At this point, it was time to take action. I was determined not let the problems of others effect my marriage. As I began to assess the concerns the wives were sharing and experiencing, I realized that the common denominator was; all of our husbands had served in either Desert Storm, Iraq, or the Afghanistan War. After returning from the war zone, families were immediately transferred to other duty stations, without having the opportunity to deal with the traumatic events the service member suffered, as a result of the war. Nor, did they have time to readjust/integrate with their families. This seemed to be a major problem in many military marriages. This prompted me to research articles on the cause and effect of marriages after deployment. The first onset of the Iraq war between 1990-2008 was one of the significant reasons for the high divorce in marriages during deployment. …show more content…
Long and extended separation from families, and the stress on family structure as well as, social functioning, was also a contributing factor for marriages to fail. Military marriages are more at risk when couples spend too much time away from each other, and depending on the service members MOS (military occupational specialty), the service member who served multiple deployments, are at a greater risk of divorce than others.
In the article "How Deployment Stress Affects Families", Department of Veterans Affairs, claims that not only are families effected by stressors during and after deployment, but they are also effected by the multiple moves to different duty stations. The article also claims that the news of deployment has an emotional effect, as well as, fear and sadness on families, when it is closer for the service member to depart. The purpose of the article is to give insight on some of the reasons, causes and effect, of families effected by deployment. The second concern the wives shared, was communication within the marriage, and this had become a major issue with majority of the families. They shared that when their spouses returned from deployment, their relationships within their marriages had changed. Their husbands