Reflection On AA Meetings

Improved Essays
When I first heard other people sharing from a top table or the body of the hall about their spiritual awakening, I didn’t believe them. I wanted to quiz them on it so that I could catch them out. I thought they were just repeating parrot fashion what they had heard other people sharing so that they would appear clever. Then I heard a woman sharing about hers who previously I had met, chatted to a wee bit and heard sharing from the body of the hall about how she was struggling to stay sober and was demented with the struggle. Here she was a different person, calm, serene and carrying the AA message. I believed her; I knew what she had been like and saw what she was like now. I guess the expression, ‘if you don’t believe what you hear at AA meetings, believe what you see’ applied to me. Maybe I wasn’t able to trust what other people said because I couldn’t trust what I said. By the time I heard this lady share I was starting to have my own spiritual awakening. This was thanks to the 12 Step Programme of Alcoholics Anonymous. It was the result of working the programme, not the result of my great (in my head) intellect – please let me not forget that the best efforts of my ‘great’ intellect got me drunk! I was guided through our 12 Step Programme by a sponsor who freely gave me her time, love and experience. When I asked for help, it was given to me. One day at a time, I try to live the programme by practising the principles in all my affairs, thoughts and actions. Once I was at step twelve, I wondered if I had had a spiritual awakening and the answer was yes. However, there were times when I doubted the quality of my spiritual awakening. I compared mine to what I saw in other people. I was still doing the, ‘I not as good as’ number on myself. Their spiritual awakenings were better than mine; they were more spiritual than me. They were, I thought, less critical and judgemental than me, less arrogant and lazy than me, showed more patience, tolerance, compassion and love than me. Today I don’t compare …show more content…
I didn’t think of anyone else or their welfare much at all. Before the programme was in my heart I only did the right thing if it happened to fall in with what I wanted. Then when I eventually started doing the things I should be doing, I only did them because I knew I would feel bad about myself if I didn’t. Now I can do the things I should be doing without a grudge or resentment, often without a second thought. What I want to do is different now so doing the right thing is easier.
My spiritual awakening wasn’t less than, it was just different from. I didn’t develop a strong connection with a God of my understanding that other people spoke of (maybe that’s a ‘yet’ for me) but my mind opened up, my heart started to soften, I began to stop projecting so much and I began to start living sober one day at a time and doing the next right thing. Good Orderly Direction was working in me. By looking at and letting go of my resentments, fears and the guilt I felt for harming others, I was able to start living in the sunlight of the spirit. My spirit was now able to grow and blossom – thanks to

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