Hi Joy,
I like your first half of the story a lot still. I also like how you slowly reveal who the narrator is. If I am right, she works with the stock market or a firm that operates at night? Sorry if I’m wrong, but this is my interpretation.
I think you have many abrupt characters who just appears in and out and I want to see more of them. Jessica Alberts is one of them, but it is up to you. I don’t know if this is because I read the first half of the story first then now you added the second half, I feel like there are two stories and they feel detached. Maybe you can mention the dead body or mention the graffiti in the second half of the story too? Or foreshadow some more in the beginning to integrate them together.
My question for
I like your first half of the story a lot still. I also like how you slowly reveal who the narrator is. If I am right, she works with the stock market or a firm that operates at night? Sorry if I’m wrong, but this is my interpretation.
I think you have many abrupt characters who just appears in and out and I want to see more of them. Jessica Alberts is one of them, but it is up to you. I don’t know if this is because I read the first half of the story first then now you added the second half, I feel like there are two stories and they feel detached. Maybe you can mention the dead body or mention the graffiti in the second half of the story too? Or foreshadow some more in the beginning to integrate them together.
My question for