Growing my hair out was like slaying a dragon. A nerve-wracking yet empowering slash right to the gut of the beast that trapped me for twelve years of my life. At four I had vehemently demanded my hair be lopped off, but by sixteen I felt restricted by that same decision. It didn’t matter what age I was or whether I was opening my mouth to discuss Pokemon or PreCalculus, I had already been stereotyped. As a tomboy, gay, trans, weird, or whatever they knew about me that I clearly hadn’t realized yet. It didn’t matter what I said, my words could never quite catch up with the impact my appearance had already made. I was confined in that appearance, created by my own decisions and plastered permanently onto me by the opinions of my peers. I had cut my hair to allow me to pursue things I liked as a four year old: being Bob the Builder, Jack from Peter Pan, or
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I searched for a savior and realized no savior was coming. There was only me. Finally, junior year, I realized: I was enough. My desire for someone else to take the leap into uncomfortable for me had only left me passive, and that passivity left me without a voice, a sense of self, and most important happiness. In that moment the dragon that towered over me my entire life shattered into a million pieces. I shattered it. I embraced my power to define my own character without fear, without doubt. I started to grow my hair.
As my hair grew, so did my clarity. I was always all I needed. This journey is and never was about anyone else. It never was about strangers who told my mother “What a cute young man you have.” It wasn’t about peer asking “What bathroom do you use?” It wasn’t even about four year old me and her decision to cut off most of her hair. I wasn’t her anymore and I wasn’t going to let my peers define me with stale information or stereotypes.
I had confirmed for myself and the rest of the world that I could be whomever,
I searched for a savior and realized no savior was coming. There was only me. Finally, junior year, I realized: I was enough. My desire for someone else to take the leap into uncomfortable for me had only left me passive, and that passivity left me without a voice, a sense of self, and most important happiness. In that moment the dragon that towered over me my entire life shattered into a million pieces. I shattered it. I embraced my power to define my own character without fear, without doubt. I started to grow my hair.
As my hair grew, so did my clarity. I was always all I needed. This journey is and never was about anyone else. It never was about strangers who told my mother “What a cute young man you have.” It wasn’t about peer asking “What bathroom do you use?” It wasn’t even about four year old me and her decision to cut off most of her hair. I wasn’t her anymore and I wasn’t going to let my peers define me with stale information or stereotypes.
I had confirmed for myself and the rest of the world that I could be whomever,