Insecurity: My Hair Analysis

1380 Words 6 Pages
Insecurity
Growing up on a farm with two older brothers, I was a bit of a tomboy. From birth until age seven, my favorite toys were Tonka trucks and wooden guns. I wrestled in the mud, ate like a teenage boy, and at the age of five took scissors to my hair, chopping it into a pixie cut, so I could “be like my older brothers”. Innocently, I wore my barn clothes to school and my kindergarten picture displays my hair in a rats nest, with a large crooked smile, and bright eyes. However, that yearbook picture changed as my innocence faded away. The change began with chapstick and soon turned into lipstick. My overalls were pushed to the back of my closet as dresses and cardigans filled the space. My hair grew long, and bows started to adorn my ponytail.
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A little taller than all the girls in my grade, I needed a size or two bigger. In 7th grade I was in the Juniors section, while others were still in the girls. When girls asked each other what size a shirt was, I prayed that they didn’t notice my tags. I knew they would find out I was in a larger size, so I came up with a plan. I figured that if I lost some weight, I would fit into a smaller size, no matter my height. I already had a high metabolism, and would usually just stuff my face with anything I set my eyes on. It was something that everyone identified me as. The girl who eats the most. To this day I’m still labeled as such. What people failed to notice is that I began to skip breakfast, and, if I wasn't asked to have supper with my family, or friends, I would frequently opt out. My lunches became salads, or wraps. I began to lose weight, and I went down to 125 in 8th grade, a low weight for a girl my height. I acquired the habit of weighing myself everyday, but if people asked how much I weighed, I lied and said that I couldn’t remember the last time I checked. In reality, I would just be mad at myself for being 128 from that huge burger and plate of fries I had the night before. When my brother started to date his girlfriend Madi, I saw that she would always drink protein shakes, and when she ate supper with us would only eat fruits and vegetables. I asked her about it, and learned she participated in Herbalife, a dieting program. Interested, I ordered coffee, strawberry, and vanilla shakes from her to drink daily. Whenever I sat and ate with my family I felt sick. I felt guilty, as if I had betrayed my body in some way. When I dressed the next morning I felt like my clothes were tighter. Once, after a particular large meal, I found myself feeling only one thing. Fat. I weighed myself three times before I found myself in tears, kneeling on the floor in the

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