I'm trying to find my way out of this living hell, this shitty place with horrible people. I was feeling lost, I still do sometimes. I need direction, and I didn't care what direction it was, I just needed a path to take me to the right destination. It's hard, it's hard to try to hide your problems and all your flaws. It's hard to because in a person that's all people look for, their flaws. When people see my flaws they just point them out to everyone whenever they get the chance. People don't think it hurts when really it hurts like a knife just going deeper and deeper. Most people think I'm strong, they think I have a thick skin because I have gotten so good at hiding and being strong. But despite what people think I'm not strong I am the
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Imagine being in a nice warm soothing bathtub all relaxed, then someone comes along and turns out the lights and opens the drain. All the warm water is gone and you're sitting there alone left to freeze in the dark. There's no one to comfort you or to show you that you're actually worth something. Am I actually worth something? You immediately feel unloved, unwanted, abandoned.I can't deal with knowing that I won't get any better. I always care about what other people think of me even though I act like I don't. I'm writing this because my explanation for my actions are a lot and I couldn't keep it all in my head. This is why, why I wish I wasn't here, why I felt the need to cut. I was going to kill myself, I sat in front of my mirror just thinking and looking at myself. But I decided not to because I wasn't ready to die, I was scared. I'm scared to live but I'm scared to die. I wanted everything to stop people, life, I couldn't deal with shit anymore. It still seems like no matter what I do I still let people down. I still think about how everybody's lives would be better without me. I'm not how people need me to be, I'm just a problem. I feel lost and empty and I’ve lost interest in everything. People cared but it felt as if no one ever cared enough. Life is …show more content…
I know there are people who have had it way worse than me but that doesn't mean that I wouldn't say goodbye. I want to be excited, I want to care but nothing makes sense anymore. It feels like everyone is better than me, but wait I actually know they’re better than me. People have asked me what are those marks on your arm, those are my battle scars from wars that I had lost. Here on my arm is a mark that I made with a blade. I felt the need to punish myself for being a mess since nobody else did. Sometimes I regret it but most of the time I don't because I knew I deserved it. The little regret I had was because later if I ever get better I would see a reminder that I was so broken.- I feel like nobody is with me through all of my pain even though they go on and on about how they do care and about how they love me. I have nothing left to lose and nothing left to gain. I wanted to know what I was worth to people but nobody ever told me and they still don't tell me. When people look into my eyes what do they see? They see a complete freak who doesn't know what she's doing with her life. some people might actually be able to see my demons that I've learned to hide. When i look at myself in the mirror i see pain, fear, and
Imagine being in a nice warm soothing bathtub all relaxed, then someone comes along and turns out the lights and opens the drain. All the warm water is gone and you're sitting there alone left to freeze in the dark. There's no one to comfort you or to show you that you're actually worth something. Am I actually worth something? You immediately feel unloved, unwanted, abandoned.I can't deal with knowing that I won't get any better. I always care about what other people think of me even though I act like I don't. I'm writing this because my explanation for my actions are a lot and I couldn't keep it all in my head. This is why, why I wish I wasn't here, why I felt the need to cut. I was going to kill myself, I sat in front of my mirror just thinking and looking at myself. But I decided not to because I wasn't ready to die, I was scared. I'm scared to live but I'm scared to die. I wanted everything to stop people, life, I couldn't deal with shit anymore. It still seems like no matter what I do I still let people down. I still think about how everybody's lives would be better without me. I'm not how people need me to be, I'm just a problem. I feel lost and empty and I’ve lost interest in everything. People cared but it felt as if no one ever cared enough. Life is …show more content…
I know there are people who have had it way worse than me but that doesn't mean that I wouldn't say goodbye. I want to be excited, I want to care but nothing makes sense anymore. It feels like everyone is better than me, but wait I actually know they’re better than me. People have asked me what are those marks on your arm, those are my battle scars from wars that I had lost. Here on my arm is a mark that I made with a blade. I felt the need to punish myself for being a mess since nobody else did. Sometimes I regret it but most of the time I don't because I knew I deserved it. The little regret I had was because later if I ever get better I would see a reminder that I was so broken.- I feel like nobody is with me through all of my pain even though they go on and on about how they do care and about how they love me. I have nothing left to lose and nothing left to gain. I wanted to know what I was worth to people but nobody ever told me and they still don't tell me. When people look into my eyes what do they see? They see a complete freak who doesn't know what she's doing with her life. some people might actually be able to see my demons that I've learned to hide. When i look at myself in the mirror i see pain, fear, and