Narrative Essay On Low Self-Esteem

1060 Words 5 Pages
Have you ever had the feeling that you’re a waste of human life? Or that, no matter how hard you try, what you do is never good enough? Well, that was me – I felt useless. Like my life had no purpose at all… Needless to say that, because of that kind of thinking, my self-esteem and confidence in myself and whatever work I produced was well below sea level. Due to being homeschooled from first grade through high school, I had little-to-no social skills; which led to me developing social anxiety. And, as a result of the low self-esteem, non-existent confidence, and lack of human interaction, I secretly struggled with depression for nearly ten years. More than once I found myself writing a “goodbye” to my family and picking up my dad’s pistol… …show more content…
Other people may not can see it, but it picks at your brain, and you find yourself constantly criticizing every move you make. Avoiding conversations or not answering questions, even though you know the answers, because you fear making a fool of yourself… and then the low self-esteem kicks in and you beat yourself up for being a coward and not answering. For the first few weeks, if I made a mistake on an order, or had trouble with any transaction and had to ask someone for help, I was ashamed. I tried my hardest to do everything perfectly that when I messed up I felt like it threw off the balance of the universe, and that every mishap after that moment was somehow my fault. But, that started to change when my managers patted me on the shoulder and told me I did good.; when they stopped checking my work because it was always done how they liked it. Then again when I was assigned to train new employees because they knew I would show them the proper way to get things done. It was a combination of seemingly menial things that picked me up from the dirt and brushed me off, but it was a tremendous amount of help in the …show more content…
My depression had weakened, but it’s hold over me was still far too strong. Yes, certain aspects of my life had started to improve, but something still felt out-of place – like I didn’t belong. I had talked to my co-workers, but it was nothing like how I’d seen them talking to each other… When I was told my position in the front of the house was being eliminated, I decided to get some training as part of the kitchen staff. I had been in host/cashier position for roughly five months and maybe one or two co-workers would talk to me on a regular basis. However, after my first week in the kitchen, which was in January 2015, I was on teasing-terms with four or five co-workers. By May, I was in a relationship with my best friend, who was – funnily enough – the first person to offer me acceptance. And for someone with so little faith that things would improve as I had, meeting at least one person who understood my way of thinking, and the patience to help guide me through my dark times was better than I could have asked

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