Mental Illness-Personal Narrative

From the outside it looks like I have it all together because my hair is perfectly curled and my makeup is perfectly intact. Like I have no care in the world. As if the demons that taunt me quietly hang around me neck like a designer scarf. People assume if they can't see it then it's simply not really there. Because pain doesn't exist if your not bleeding or stumbling with a limp. But sometimes the loudest demons are the ones invisible to the naked eye. So I learned how to smile, how to grin so I could bare it. Because you aren't aloud to talk about the tough stuff. I have anxiety. It makes me feel like every single cell in my body is moving so fast that my veins are blurred. Inside my ears it's like a broken white noise machine that's playing all the sounds at once. …show more content…
And I'm avoiding eye contact not because i'm not listening to what your saying but because i'm listening to the sound of my own voice. I'm hoping that through your ears you can't hear that its two octaves too high and on the verge of breaking. My palms are sweating and I somehow forgot to speak with anything behind my words other than insecurity. My anxiety feel like fire. Inexplicably hot and rash and frustrating. As I bite the inside of my cheek. As if the solution to this feeling is buried between my teeth and gums. It feel like drawing but it feels like burning. It feels like forever. I imagine my feet moving with trails of dust behind them. Somehow it feels like i'm moving faster than those 60 seconds they've allowed in a minute. All the while I'm just playing catch up on the stop watch.It just doesn't add up like it does in calculus. Because most of the time there is no problem there is no life or death situation, there is no reason. There is just feelings and I am feeling all of them at once. Some days are better than others. Somedays are worse. But there just days. And i’ve got more where they came