Essay on Descriptive Writing Samples

6145 Words Jun 2nd, 2013 25 Pages

The Descriptive Writing task in Unit 3 is worth 7.5% of the subject award and is marked out of 20. The mark given for each of the examples provided is supported by comments related to the criteria given in the specification for (i) Content & Organisation; (ii) Sentence Structure, Punctuation & Spelling. A notional grade is indicated in each case, based on the way that the same mark scale for Writing has been used in the past, and consistent with the uniform mark scale which will be used in the future to report results. However, it is important to note that in practice grade boundaries are determined when units are awarded, and that prior to this individual students’ marks are subject to
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Unfortunately, the hole in the ground fails to appear for him as it has failed so many others in similar situations and he is left at the mercy of hundreds of delighted teenagers. Finally, the yells subside, quelled by steely glances from several of the teachers, and they are replaced by the ominous tinny chime of the bell, forcing all the children out into the merciless rain.

Commentary This student confidently fulfils the requirements of the descriptive task. The individual scenes are well observed and the whole piece is structured around a sensible time frame. SSPS aspects are handled with assurance and the vocabulary is extensive. This work deserves a mark of 20.

AP/JF/W40(10) Page


The Scene at a Funfair Dazzling those around, the bright lights flash, almost blinding any who dare to look their way. The cacophony of sounds, each clashing horribly with the next, is almost deafening. The acrid taste of diesel fumes burns the back of the throat of anyone who gets too close to the rickety Teacup ride. A group of excitable toddlers are being herded along by over protective mothers - bobbing along like brightly shining Chinese lanterns. One lags behind, gazing wistfully at the waltzers, while his mother tries to persuade him to go on the Teacups. Teenagers are huddled on a corner, one clutching his can of lager like a newborn son. Another crushes his can beneath his foot and lobs it over the heads of

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