Interpersonal Communications

Front 1

positive self esteem

Back 1

you feel ok with yourself and don't rely on others

Front 2

loneliness

Back 2

disomfort associated with physical or physcological discomfort
number one motivator for seeking a relationship search and the worst reason to do so

Front 3

relationship dialectics theory

Back 3

argues that people in a relationship experience dynamic tensions between pairs of opposing motives or desires

Front 4

contact stage

Back 4

there is some kind of perceptual contact - you see, hear, read a msg from or perhaps smell the person
from this you form a mental and physical picture

Front 5

relationship dissolution stage

Back 5

the bonds between the individuals are broken

Front 6

relationship repair

Back 6

is not always pursued

Front 7

relationship deterioration stage

Back 7

is characterized by a weakening of the bonds between the friends or lovers

Front 8

involvement stage

Back 8

a sense of mutuality of being connected develops
learning more about the other person

Front 9

intimacy stage

Back 9

you commit yourself still further to the other person and establish a relationship in which this person becomes your best friend lover or companion

Front 10

rules theory

Back 10

relationships-friendships and love in particular- are held together by adherence to certain rules

Front 11

attraction theory

Back 11

holds that people form relationships on the basis of attraction

Front 12

5 major factors of attraction

Back 12

similarity
proximity
reinforcement
physical attractivness
personality, socio-economic and educational status

Front 13

ventilation hypothesis

Back 13

notion that expressing emotions allows you to ventilate your negative feelings
has a positive effect on physical, mental and interpersonal relationships

Front 14

james-lange theory of emotion

Back 14

event occurs
respond physiologically
experience emotion

Front 15

cognitive labeling theory of emotion

Back 15

event occurs
respond physiologically
intrpret this arousal (what emotion)
experience the emotion

Front 16

flexibility

Back 16

quality of thinking and behaving in which you vary your messages based on the unique situation in which you find yourself

Front 17

display rules

Back 17

govern what is and what is not permissable emotional communication

Front 18

blended emotions

Back 18

combinations of primary emotions pg 163 chp 7

Front 19

primary emotions

Back 19

8 basic:
joy
acceptance
fear
surprise
saddness
discust
anger
anticipation

Front 20

conversation

Back 20

is the front door to new relationships

Front 21

owning feelings

Back 21

take ownership/possesion of your emotions
stop blaming others control your behavior
you choose to control or not

Front 22

emotional contagen

Back 22

emotions are contagious
passed from one person to another

Front 23

emotions (feelings)

Back 23

non-cognitive reactions
no thought component
occur quickly without thought
people who have more control are more productive

Front 24

EQ

Back 24

Emotional Quotient
EQ tells you what feels good
IQ tells you consiquences
EQ & IQ always fight for power

Front 25

Apology

Back 25

expression of regret for something you did

Front 26

Reason

Back 26

logical explanations for behavior
excuse and reason are not the same

Front 27

excuse

Back 27

attempt to make you feel like they did something and to minimize why they did it

lesson negative implications

Front 28

disclaimer

Back 28

not taking ownership that it is a fact "based on the info I have right now" use with the right motive
statement that aims to insure that your msg will be understood and will not reflect negatively on you

Front 29

patronizing/condecinding

Back 29

people with ngative insecure ego talk down to others to make themselves feel better

Front 30

downward communication

Back 30

messages sent from higher levels to lower levels of hierarchy
people who speak to upper and lower with same respect are generally liked

Front 31

upward communication

Back 31

messages sent from lower levels to upper levels of hierarchy
provides management with feedback
gives lower levels a sense of belonging

Front 32

self disclosure

Back 32

to reveal intamate details about yourself with caution

Front 33

5 dimensions of feedback

Back 33

positive/negative
supportive/critical
person focused/ message focused
immediate/delayed
low monitoring/high monitoring

Front 34

feedback

Back 34

response
needs to be a priority in conversation

Front 35

3 steps to avoid loneliness

Back 35

1. make sure your best friend is yourself
2. stay busy no matter what you do (volunteer or part time job)
3. no matter what stage of life you are in go back to school (education, organizations-built in excuse to be social)

Front 36

2 types of loneliness

Back 36

physical-proximity to people
2. physcological- the person you want to be with insn't there or too shy with the people that are there
*be able to have a conversation/make a move

Front 37

correction mechanism

Back 37

use a calender to mark each day whether you had more pain or pleasure in a specific relationship

Front 38

six-stage model of relationships

Back 38

1.contact-physical/actual, interactual
2. involvment-testing intensifying (spend more time in this stage)
3. intamacy- interpersonal commitment/social bonding
4. deterioration-dissatisfaction/deterioration
5. repair or dissolution

Front 39

contact

Back 39

is limited by the "pool" in which you live- travel gives more opportunity for contact

Front 40

involvement

Back 40

get past superficial conversations
spend about 4-6 months
make a decision if you want to go further

Front 41

intimacy

Back 41

characterized by the fact that you would rather spend time with this person than others
re-commit everyday

Front 42

deterioration

Back 42

relationship is breaking up
both of you spend less discressionary time together
(less laughter/more critizism)
about 18month-2yrs

Front 43

repair

Back 43

want it to work
seek external assistance (men fight external advice-don't like disclosure and female will have an ally)

Front 44

external assistance--don't go to

Back 44

- mutual friends
- family members
- clergy/church counseling

Front 45

external assistance--do go

Back 45

-liscensed counselor(standard issues)
-physcologist(physcological/anger issues)

Front 46

relationship dialectics theory

Back 46

argues that people in a relationship experience dynamic tensions between pairs of opposing motives or desires

Front 47

social exchange theory

Back 47

claims that you develop relationships that will enable you to maximize your profits

Front 48

social penetration theory

Back 48

theory not of why relationships develop but of what happens when they do develop
describes relationships in terms of the number of topics that people talk about and the degree of "personalnes"

Front 49

equity theory

Back 49

uses the ideas of social exchange, but goes a step farther and claims that you develop and maintain relationships in which the ratio of your rewards relative to your costs is approximately equal to your partners

Front 50

relationship maintenance

Back 50

behaviors that serve to continue(maintain,retain) your relationship

Front 51

relatinship license

Back 51

license to violate some relatinship expectation. custom, or rule (ex. taste each others food)

Front 52

empathy

Back 52

enables you to understand emotionally what another person is experiencing from their point of view without losing your identity

Front 53

jealousy

Back 53

reaction to relationship threat

Front 54

relationship disengagement

Back 54

strategy for getting out of a relationship

Front 55

dissolution

Back 55

disolve the previous relationship and replace with another
ie.. friends or enemies after a divorce

Front 56

relationship redefinition

Back 56

restructure a reltionship so that each of you can matain positive contact

Front 57

narrative

Back 57

give positive feedback
ie.. letter stating"I don't regret divorce so we can both have a better life; I will miss things about you; can we still be friends for benefit of kids etc... if you want to call please do"

Front 58

conflict

Back 58

situation created when people are confronted by competitive or mutually exclusive goals
ie.. one person will get validictorian/ two people have opportunity to marry specific person

Front 59

deal killer

Back 59

is it worth it? pick the times to win the argument, choose if winning is more important or if relatinship is

Front 60

beltlining

Back 60

"to hit below the belt" with words or comments (push each others buttons)

Front 61

conflict management stages

Back 61

define the conflict
examine possible solutions
test solution
evaluate solution
accept or reject solution
exit conflict

Front 62

face-enhancing strategies

Back 62

strategies that support and confirm a person's positive face(praise or smile)
or negative face(give the person space, ask rather than demand)