Personal Narrative : Becoming A Self Essay

1826 Words Dec 6th, 2016 8 Pages
Schnarch: Becoming a Self
As I inquire about what it takes to become a satisfied woman, I am discovering satisfaction comes from within and it requires an individual to have a strong core self. From a developmental perspective, Dr. David Schnarch explores the process of the emerging self in his book Intimacy & Desire. He writes about the importance of developing a solid flexible self rather than relying on others to make you feel okay. He thinks the first emerged self was a “reflected sense of self” meaning a self that is reliant on feedback from others.
Schnarch writes that it’s not child trauma nor constant attention or reassurance that gives a person a solid sense of self. “A solid sense of self develops from confronting yourself, challenging yourself to do what’s right, and earning your own self-respect. It develops from inside you, rather than from internalizing what’s around you.” Schnarch believes when people are too dependent on each other for their emotional balance than the people become emotionally fused. The feedback I received from Wright relates to my core sense of self and the high degree of emotional fusion I have with my family of origin. I often heard how I was enmeshed with my family and my work is to differentiate and build a solid sense of self.
Schnarch believes the path to becoming an authentic adult is differentiation. “Think of differentiation as your ability to keep your emotional balance while interacting in important…

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