harbored began wearing me thin. She sparkled even in the dullest of months, putting to shame the beautiful white snow that obscured the dying grass on the frozen ground. I was like that dying grass, I had begun to think. I was still beautiful too, but something far greater than me and that I had no control over had settled on top of me, covering my beauty.
I knew the rules of the game by now. I started to think I could do it without her. She began gravitating to other girls, saying she needed more friends. Yes, she had given me the great push to be where I am, but what did I owe her?
She was my first love. And she’d led me to this wonderland this hell. How could she be slipping away?
My love for her became cold and broken.
While I …show more content…
Woke up in the nurse’s office again. Finally finally the nurse weighed me. And then she almost passed out.
“Sit,” she said in her thin wavering voice and gently led me to the bench in her room. I almost fell asleep right then. It was so wonderful to lie down again and I was ever so tired. She called my parents which forced them to see, just a for a moment. Just for an instant my invisibility cloak came off.
My skin was yellow. My eyes sunken. But I was glowing/beautiful/radiant. I was hungry and scary looking. I was everything she wanted me to be.
I was what she made me. And now she had left to I don’t know where and she left me alone like this.
“I promise I’ll eat more and I’ll weigh myself and the numbers will go up.” This I told my parents who looked upon me with strict, unforgiving faces. We sat on couches opposite each other, a coffee table in between. A flower wilted in a vase on the table, its petals brown and sad looking. They sit there across the table, lecturing. An ocean lies between us and a terrible storm is brewing in the center, in the very pit of the problem. Even if I tried to speak to explain to make you understand the rumbling thunder would block out my …show more content…
My parents only wanted to hear that I was willing to get better- to fix myself- nothing more nothing less. I was to get better and I was to get better now. But I failed to see what was wrong with me. I was absolutely perfect. It was with a sick sense of satisfaction that I realized that she’d never been as thin as I was. If I couldn’t have her at least I could finally be better than her.
My numbers were finally smaller than yours. She had told me that she’d never reached seventy-nine pounds. But I had. And I was still here. I had achieved the impossible.
Starve starve starve. Hunger hunger hunger. Rules rules rules.
When I tried to make them see how beautiful I was, my mother had yelled at me and worked herself up and my father started yelling and had had to sit down with a drink and numb his senses.
They told me I looked like a monster. That cut deeper than anything she had ever whispered to me. But they wouldn’t immediately put me into a rehab center. No. That would bring unwanted questions to our reputable family. My absence would be too mysterious. But I was already an absent member from this
I knew the rules of the game by now. I started to think I could do it without her. She began gravitating to other girls, saying she needed more friends. Yes, she had given me the great push to be where I am, but what did I owe her?
She was my first love. And she’d led me to this wonderland this hell. How could she be slipping away?
My love for her became cold and broken.
While I …show more content…
Woke up in the nurse’s office again. Finally finally the nurse weighed me. And then she almost passed out.
“Sit,” she said in her thin wavering voice and gently led me to the bench in her room. I almost fell asleep right then. It was so wonderful to lie down again and I was ever so tired. She called my parents which forced them to see, just a for a moment. Just for an instant my invisibility cloak came off.
My skin was yellow. My eyes sunken. But I was glowing/beautiful/radiant. I was hungry and scary looking. I was everything she wanted me to be.
I was what she made me. And now she had left to I don’t know where and she left me alone like this.
“I promise I’ll eat more and I’ll weigh myself and the numbers will go up.” This I told my parents who looked upon me with strict, unforgiving faces. We sat on couches opposite each other, a coffee table in between. A flower wilted in a vase on the table, its petals brown and sad looking. They sit there across the table, lecturing. An ocean lies between us and a terrible storm is brewing in the center, in the very pit of the problem. Even if I tried to speak to explain to make you understand the rumbling thunder would block out my …show more content…
My parents only wanted to hear that I was willing to get better- to fix myself- nothing more nothing less. I was to get better and I was to get better now. But I failed to see what was wrong with me. I was absolutely perfect. It was with a sick sense of satisfaction that I realized that she’d never been as thin as I was. If I couldn’t have her at least I could finally be better than her.
My numbers were finally smaller than yours. She had told me that she’d never reached seventy-nine pounds. But I had. And I was still here. I had achieved the impossible.
Starve starve starve. Hunger hunger hunger. Rules rules rules.
When I tried to make them see how beautiful I was, my mother had yelled at me and worked herself up and my father started yelling and had had to sit down with a drink and numb his senses.
They told me I looked like a monster. That cut deeper than anything she had ever whispered to me. But they wouldn’t immediately put me into a rehab center. No. That would bring unwanted questions to our reputable family. My absence would be too mysterious. But I was already an absent member from this