Jaschik's In General

In the original passage, shown before any corrections have been made, a few things jump out at me immediately. Just glancing at the passage the fact that the title isn't centered and there are no paragraph indentions already bothers me. The author of this essay also relies heavily on the usage of certain words, such as the authors name and variations of the word "plagiarism" to get his points across instead of using a variety of terms. In Paragraph one: Sentence two I believe the words "In General" can be removed to assist in the flowing of the sentence. Paragraph two has its own set of problems the greatest of which is the fact that, while the paragraph seems to revolve around the idea of illustration, his examples were not very clear. At …show more content…
Sadly he continues to use run on sentences to get the information across. The revisions to paragraph two are very helpful as well, the author gives a background to the idea that Jaschik uses illustration frequently in his paper, instead of stating that it occurred without examples or other forms of proof. In paragraph three just about everything got corrected such as grammatical errors in the first sentence and the movement of the citation to the end of the sentence instead of following the quote. The author still uses the quote "several people quipped" as the one of the two examples of formal language in the passage and I don't believe it works to support his ideas well enough to uphold an entire paragraph. Throughout the essay the author seems incapable of correction his run on sentences such as half the sentences in paragraph three. Much of the poor sentence structure of the Initial Draft seems to have made its way into the Later Draft such as appalling grammar and multiple instances of child like writing. Many revision were made and the second essay is a league and a half ahead of its predecessor, but the lack of imagination in sentence beginnings and the overuse of common, boring, words brought the entire essay to its