I make a point and prove myself wrong. At every turn -- for my entire life -- every atom in my body is a contradiction.
When my father died, the addict in me turned to anorexia. It took me a while to accept the disorder as an addiction, and when I finally did, it was easier to help break the habit. One thing I always like to make clear to non-sufferers is the will and strength it takes to overcome something like that. When you’ve got an anorexic mind, an anorexic thought process, you’re constantly being told (or telling yourself?) these completely irrational, anti-survival kinds of things. That eating something unplanned, or at an unplanned time, or even sometimes not eating something you had planned to, is going to end it. It will be ruined. …show more content…
The first day wasn’t so bad. The second day suffocated my entire will to live. The third day I was made fun of just because I was reading. I was reading. That really puts in an easily-understandable perspective as to why I do not want to be around the majority of my school body, ever. I have also become very emotionally needy, specifically craving hugs, and spending so much time around people who care so little about me is an awful thought. I know for a fact that those feelings are ‘babyish’ and selfish, but I feel them. And I can not stand …show more content…
And that is all you can really ask of yourself when you feel like you can’t ask anything of anyone. As Conor Oberst sings, “I’m going to work for my sanity, give it everything I got.” So when I want to sleep forever, when I want to feign illness and skip school, when I want to shut down and not speak for hours, I will work against it. For my sanity, for my sanity, and for my sanity. If seemingly all I have to wake up to is a cup of coffee some mornings, I will get up, and I will pour it myself. I will wash away the dried up bits of last night, and towel off the dried up bits of all the horrible people I have been. Underneath lies a bud of a flower not yet discovered. When it blooms, I will write a biological report and publish it. I will receive millions for my rare find. For now I must provide myself with water and plenty of sunlight, while I wait it
When my father died, the addict in me turned to anorexia. It took me a while to accept the disorder as an addiction, and when I finally did, it was easier to help break the habit. One thing I always like to make clear to non-sufferers is the will and strength it takes to overcome something like that. When you’ve got an anorexic mind, an anorexic thought process, you’re constantly being told (or telling yourself?) these completely irrational, anti-survival kinds of things. That eating something unplanned, or at an unplanned time, or even sometimes not eating something you had planned to, is going to end it. It will be ruined. …show more content…
The first day wasn’t so bad. The second day suffocated my entire will to live. The third day I was made fun of just because I was reading. I was reading. That really puts in an easily-understandable perspective as to why I do not want to be around the majority of my school body, ever. I have also become very emotionally needy, specifically craving hugs, and spending so much time around people who care so little about me is an awful thought. I know for a fact that those feelings are ‘babyish’ and selfish, but I feel them. And I can not stand …show more content…
And that is all you can really ask of yourself when you feel like you can’t ask anything of anyone. As Conor Oberst sings, “I’m going to work for my sanity, give it everything I got.” So when I want to sleep forever, when I want to feign illness and skip school, when I want to shut down and not speak for hours, I will work against it. For my sanity, for my sanity, and for my sanity. If seemingly all I have to wake up to is a cup of coffee some mornings, I will get up, and I will pour it myself. I will wash away the dried up bits of last night, and towel off the dried up bits of all the horrible people I have been. Underneath lies a bud of a flower not yet discovered. When it blooms, I will write a biological report and publish it. I will receive millions for my rare find. For now I must provide myself with water and plenty of sunlight, while I wait it