Essay about How Can You Make Better Decisions?

796 Words Oct 12th, 2016 4 Pages
one can use thinking to make better decisions is important in Bowen theory. Those who cannot calm the emotions may find it difficult to make good decisions and to separate their own feelings from those of others. They often allow their family to define them and blame themselves for their parents’ problems, their conflicts with siblings, or other family situations (Gilbert, 2008). As Bowen writes, “So much life energy goes into seeking love and approval, or attacking the other for not providing it, that there is little energy left for self-determined, goal-directed activity” (Gilbert, 2006, p. 187).
Bowen offered a differentiation scale from one to 100, with one being completely fused and 100 being completely differentiated; no one, however, is completely at one end of the scale or the other. Bowen believed that most people stay at the differentiation level that they had when they left home, which is very rarely above 60, and that we tend to choose spouses with similar differentiation levels. Bowen believed that one’s differentiation level is relatively fixed for life; however, a person’s differentiation level will diverge from his or her baseline depending on his or her stress level and the coping skills that the person employs. Bowen believed that one can slowly raise one’s baseline differentiation level by managing one’s emotional reactivity and by detriangulating one’s self from one’s family of origin, particularly one’s parents (Bowen, 1990).
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