Conflict is the resulting tension of two or more parties who are unable to, at least in part understand, empathize with, or tolerate an idea or behavior. This tension can be expressed through words, violence, segregation, or disassociation with the opposing party. As Thomas Kilmann theorized, it is rare that a conflict, even of mild consequence, is disconnected from other factors, but rather that conflicts are cradled in a nest of emotional investment, moral beliefs, and political ideology. This is never more true than when it is applied to conflicts within families, which in my experience are capable of becoming grossly disproportionate from the cause and offend on more counts than any other conflict. This essay will therefore analyze a conflict
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While this conflict may seem trivial, reflection upon this pattern of conflict revealed fundamental differences between my sister and l, how to reconcile them, and other needs in our relationship. This essay will reflect upon the conflict from the perspective of Folger’s 7 Hallmarks of transformative mediation in order to understand how to disentangle complicated emotions, navigate power imbalances, and self mediate in the future. In doing so, the essay will use some hallmarks of mediation to understand complexity theory as it relates to my sibling relationship. The conflict begins when, upon all the other glasses being in the dishwasher, I filled my sister’s smoothie cup with water and drank from it. When my sister saw that I had used her smoothie cup, she demanded that I wash it immediately and never use it again, and a conflict arose and quickly escalated to themes of respect, belonging, and property. My sister and I communicate very differently, with her being more methodical and thorough while I prefere straightforward communication. These barriers were exacerbated by the fact that I felt …show more content…
Upon reflection, this conflict was aggravated by a lack of empowerment on two fronts. Firstly, the judgement with which we viewed eachother’s positions prevented us from seizing opportunities of empowerment, and instead used the emotions as fuel for more tireless bantar and competitive styles of negotiation. Instead of looking at “what lies behind” the emotions (Folger p.271, 1998), we allowed ego and our history as siblings dictate our behavior. For example, when my sister said “this is my house too, I live here”, it was probably not empowering to respond with “lol for 30 seconds a month” when her words indicated an insecurity of belonging. Hallmark three of transformative mediation stipulates that a mediator is required to step away from judgemental feelings and assume “they actually know very little for sure about the parties, their situations” in order to minimize narcissistic feelings of paternalism or expectations of obedience from the conflicting parties. In this conflict, I believe that my history with my sister resulted in the assumption that I knew everything about her, what the fight was about, and what she was seeking. If I had to do it again, I would actively prevent family history from misconstruing the events and behaviors that followed. Upon reflection, my sister did
While this conflict may seem trivial, reflection upon this pattern of conflict revealed fundamental differences between my sister and l, how to reconcile them, and other needs in our relationship. This essay will reflect upon the conflict from the perspective of Folger’s 7 Hallmarks of transformative mediation in order to understand how to disentangle complicated emotions, navigate power imbalances, and self mediate in the future. In doing so, the essay will use some hallmarks of mediation to understand complexity theory as it relates to my sibling relationship. The conflict begins when, upon all the other glasses being in the dishwasher, I filled my sister’s smoothie cup with water and drank from it. When my sister saw that I had used her smoothie cup, she demanded that I wash it immediately and never use it again, and a conflict arose and quickly escalated to themes of respect, belonging, and property. My sister and I communicate very differently, with her being more methodical and thorough while I prefere straightforward communication. These barriers were exacerbated by the fact that I felt …show more content…
Upon reflection, this conflict was aggravated by a lack of empowerment on two fronts. Firstly, the judgement with which we viewed eachother’s positions prevented us from seizing opportunities of empowerment, and instead used the emotions as fuel for more tireless bantar and competitive styles of negotiation. Instead of looking at “what lies behind” the emotions (Folger p.271, 1998), we allowed ego and our history as siblings dictate our behavior. For example, when my sister said “this is my house too, I live here”, it was probably not empowering to respond with “lol for 30 seconds a month” when her words indicated an insecurity of belonging. Hallmark three of transformative mediation stipulates that a mediator is required to step away from judgemental feelings and assume “they actually know very little for sure about the parties, their situations” in order to minimize narcissistic feelings of paternalism or expectations of obedience from the conflicting parties. In this conflict, I believe that my history with my sister resulted in the assumption that I knew everything about her, what the fight was about, and what she was seeking. If I had to do it again, I would actively prevent family history from misconstruing the events and behaviors that followed. Upon reflection, my sister did