Urged on by her father to “just write down what’s happening,” (140) Alison begins to record the daily events of her life. However, she struggles with this first attempt at authorship because “a sort of epistemological crisis” made her anxious over whether or not what she wrote was “absolutely, objectively true” (141). She began to include “I think” between phrases as “gossamer sutures in that gaping rift between signifier and signified” and crossing out entire entries (142). This concept of truth versus how it is represented connects to Alison’s struggle against appearance and reality she faces throughout her life. When she finds out about her father’s homosexuality, her image of her father, her parent’s marriage and the narrative of her life completely changes; in addition, she frets over what is the actual truth of her life and what was representative fiction. The moment of Alison’s coming out being directly followed by finding out her father’s dark secret represents when she feels “demoted from protagonist in [her] own drama” by her parents. (58) This subject of being usurped by her parent’s as the creator of her own written narrative also appears in Chapter 5 in a couple of ways. First, Alice’s first attempt at creative authorship is writing a poem; however, her father “improvised a second stanza on the spot” (129) which led her to never writing a poem again. Additionally, displeased with her daughter’s handwriting, Allison’s mother “took dictation from [Allison]” (149) in the journal, taking away Allison’s immediate hand at
Urged on by her father to “just write down what’s happening,” (140) Alison begins to record the daily events of her life. However, she struggles with this first attempt at authorship because “a sort of epistemological crisis” made her anxious over whether or not what she wrote was “absolutely, objectively true” (141). She began to include “I think” between phrases as “gossamer sutures in that gaping rift between signifier and signified” and crossing out entire entries (142). This concept of truth versus how it is represented connects to Alison’s struggle against appearance and reality she faces throughout her life. When she finds out about her father’s homosexuality, her image of her father, her parent’s marriage and the narrative of her life completely changes; in addition, she frets over what is the actual truth of her life and what was representative fiction. The moment of Alison’s coming out being directly followed by finding out her father’s dark secret represents when she feels “demoted from protagonist in [her] own drama” by her parents. (58) This subject of being usurped by her parent’s as the creator of her own written narrative also appears in Chapter 5 in a couple of ways. First, Alice’s first attempt at creative authorship is writing a poem; however, her father “improvised a second stanza on the spot” (129) which led her to never writing a poem again. Additionally, displeased with her daughter’s handwriting, Allison’s mother “took dictation from [Allison]” (149) in the journal, taking away Allison’s immediate hand at