A Well Developed Rough Draft Essay

882 Words Dec 2nd, 2016 4 Pages
1) I would say that your paper overall is a well-developed rough draft. The only thing that I would suggest is to add another body paragraph, so that you can further analysis, and how the crime, trial, and society are connected to one another. For example, connecting how society during this time related to the reason that the outcome of the trial was what it was.

2) Thesis – “The events that took place in the trial 3073, which include crimes of robbery, assault and grand larceny show that the creation of the prohibition in turn gave another platform for crime to continue, and even expand, and also shows that society plays its own role in it.”

3) Your thesis is fine, but one way in which you could make it stronger is by re-wording it to have a stronger impact on the reader. For example, The events that took place in trial 3073, which included crimes such as robbery, assault, and grand larceny are examples of how prohibition helped expand criminal behavior throughout society, as well as shows that society was one the major player in the expansion of these criminal acts.

4) Your introduction was perfect in showing the direction that you are taking your paper. It also had sufficient amount of background that provided a sneak pick of what was to come. Overall, your introduction does not need much change. The only thing that I would suggest is to make sure that you use past tense words, because you are writing about something that has already occurred ( Only saw this in one…

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