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119 Cards in this Set
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Theory of Psychological Reactance >what happens if ppl lose freedom of choice 2 effects this relates to & what happens in each *type of ppl we prefer |
*ppl strive to regain freedom of choice if lose it 1.Romeo&Juliet:more ppl cant be together, more they feel for them. 2.closing time:'beergoggles' wout alcohol. ppl try to find company late in evening&find ppl more attractive. even if in relationship. not subject of others *prefer ppl who dont say yes often |
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Attraction |
Attraction |
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Attraction |
Attraction |
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Attractive Female body/face |
signs of youth:oval/baby faced, big eyes, small nose&chin,full lips,prominentcheekbone, narrow cheeks, broad smile&long hair
*normal weight w waists noticeably narrower. *waist to hip ratio of 30%.& .75 waist to bust ratio. *average/symmetrical |
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Attractive male body/face
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*male:strong jaw&broad forehead thought to be handsome but feminine face look warm,friendly&attractive.
*average/symmetrical *waist to hip ratio:.9&broadshoulder&muscle. *man of 5'4 needs to make $221 000 more than 6'1 man to be more attractive *prefer high IQs even when throwing frisbee, reading news headline&pondering life on mars. |
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Attractiveness:Sociobiology evidence of fertility
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*changes in male attractiveness w womens cycle&women make themselves more attractive when fertile *hormone influence waist to hip ratio by affecting fat distribution:womens best for child baring *men w attractive faces have healthier sperm *attractive ppl reproduce better |
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Attractiveness:Sociobiology/Patterns for evolutionary perspective
*2 things it relates to *describe how attractive ppl are 'good genetic stock' |
*relate to survival/reproduction *good genetic stock:attractive features convey health(healthier body)&reproductive fitness |
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Attractiveness:Sociobiology evidence >marcus:evidence in consensus *who agrees&% of cross culture consensus *why do blind agree? *where attractionmatters most&why |
Marcus:beauty judgements are slightly idiosyncratic but overwhelming consensus by adults&babies&cross cultural 80-90% of time *even blind agree:smell symmetry/attraction& gay ppl also smell other gays *attractionmatters most near equater where immunity is important |
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Social Learning&attraction *3 examples of how preference isnt determined by genetic fitness *what is issue w social learning *what this view believes on how ppl feel attraction *what it blames for cross culture results: |
*ppl taught/influenced by culture on whats (un)attractive.not enough data on social learning 1.obsession w small feet. 2.in rough time,chubby women more attractive. 3.black&latino like heavier ppl. *beauty differ by culture but media influence all *attraction varies more wout media exposure *unrealistic high beauty standards b/c we make ppl look better than possible:photoshop &Cosmetic&fashion industry |
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Attractiveness what its greatest impact on >what level of awareness is it? elaborate: what it causes&what it happens before >how much it matters on a 1st date&to who? 4 things it matters more than |
*greatest impact on 1st impression *1st awareness level of other b4 communicating causes initial approach/avoid tendancy *matters most (more than big 5,attachment style, values&interests) to both genders on 1st date |
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'currency'/value of physical attractiveness 1.halo effect:what happen if you're arround attractive ppl >what attractive ness is linked to&its social value 2.reward of attractiveness |
*halo effect:being around attractive ppl make you feel important.link w commodity&has social value *intristically rewarding:like looking into sunset *attractiveness increase popularity&influence social interaction *appearance has higher impact on women |
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Stereotype&social expectation of physically attractive ppl:social benefits of being attractive b4 interactions *what ppl expect:5 examples *Landy&Sigall (1974) study |
*social benefits of being attractive b4 interacting w others. *expect to have goodtraits to go w looks:more likeable,intelligent,skills/talent, accomplished&promiscuous *study:poor essay not rated as bad if theres photo of attractive person vs unattractive |
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Attractiveness& Self-fulfilling prophecies |
*study how engaging person talking is. *men interacting w 'attractive' person judged as more engaging&women judged at more engaging& attractive by them *women respond in more engaging way b/c were +ly engaging w them. |
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Are stereotypes true |
*attractive women get more dates but unattractive women spend more timesocializing w men.
*attractive men have more interactions w females overall. *thinwomen have better relationships&life satisfaction in densely populated areas |
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Attractiveness, wellbeing&self esteem *what variability did it account for *how they trust Study:attractiveness impact on self esteem for men&women |
*account for 10% of variability in adjustment& wellbeing over life
*less likely to trust others b/c ppl brown nose to get close. trust compliments if ppl dont know their looks(opposite for unattractive) *study:predict women&impact men self-esteem >beauty standard lead to feeling inadequate >Concerns about appearance implicated in eating disorders |
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limitation of appearance *what happen after 1st impression:gender difference *what we can control about appearance *what is appearance:elaborate *what happens regardless of #of attractive ppl *spending |
*after 1st impression,ppl treat eachother as ppl.
>women arent picky/rely on looks for short term but character for long term.men rely on attractiveness most either way *can control:style,light,exercise *transitory not fixed property:lost w aging *most form satisfying romantic relationships regardless of #of attractive ppl *threshold on amount ppl spend on partners looks if given $ for their attributes |
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pickup lines |
funny is best. not same as innocuous openers that are direct lines thathonestly communicate interest. prefered 70% of time*womenslines work every time even if they are just 'hi'
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3things ppl use to evaluate potential mates: potential partner desirability equation |
1.warmth&loyalty 2.attractiveness&vitality 3.status&resources potential partner desirability=(attractiveness)(probability of accepting you) |
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2 rewards influence attraction: *4 other parts |
*direct rewards&indirect rewards
1.proximity:determine whether/notwe meet. >closeness is rewarding, distance is costly 2.mere exposure:increaseliking even if havent talked >familiarity (not over exposure)enhance attraction 3.matching:demographicsimilarity(not opposite) in age,looks,race,sex,value&personality attract 4.Reciprocity:like those that like us: |
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3 broad types of info about new partner that influence developing relationship. |
1.stimulus:attractiveness 2.value of similar attitudes&beliefs 3.role (agree on basic roles of life like housework&gender roles) |
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Describe how matching explains why 'opposites attract:subtleties in way similarities attract lead to view |
1.trade off(ex.looks&$)important to evolution. women unconcerned w youth b/c men are fertile their entire life. 2.opposites are complimentary:other may be person you want to be/have skills you wish did 3.stimulus value role:some similarity types more important.agree on values that matter&roles: >like ppl who're similar b/c of judgement&expectancy they'll like us |
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*opposites dont often attract. >dissimilarities |
*discovering dissimilarity take time&perceived similarity lingers *friendships 1st influenced by who you think is like you&later prefer opposite *dissimilarity decrease over time *fetal attraction:apparent w time&experience: >when quality that attracts ppl to other become most obnoxious about them. |
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mate value |
*overall attractiveness as reproductive partner. *those w it have highstandards in partner. *shy&lowself esteem pursue less desirable partner *study:menbelieved same/different movie was playing&had choice of squeezing besideattractive woman/sitting alone. 3/4 sat w her regardless of what was on if they believed there was different movie. |
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balance theory |
*ppl desire consistency among thought, feeling&social relationship. when ppl like/dislike eachother, they balance. >will do favor for someone nice to nice person/mean to mean person |
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Power principles |
*reflect potential to bring about desired outcome:something you have to do something not something you do.
*property of relationship, not individual:power over other in relationship not how powerful individual is. Ex:person making demand w gun on other only powerful if other values their life *only meaningful in context of conflict in desired outcomes. |
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Power expressed in: |
1.convo:dont speak w same implicit strength& allowself to be interrupted more. 2.nonverbal behavior:posture:large interpersonal distance,intense facialexpression, less symmetrical. men take up more space 3.nonverbal sensitivity:decode others emotion/ meaning accurately. person of lower power's job 4.stylesof power:ppl explicitly ask for what they want/were indirect w hints.those that were satisfied were more direct. |
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another theme in extent ppl sought their goals through interaction.
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some bargained/reasoned w bilateral strategies, others took independent unilateral action&didnt involve partner. more powerful used bilateral&less used unilateral. men use direct &bilateral so more powerful in general than women
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power:types of resources:french&raven *types of power |
1.reward:w something they like/remove something they dont
2.coercive:punish w something they dont like/take away something they do 3.legitimate:authority/equity norm/reciprocity/ social responsibility as resource. they recognize your authority to tell them what to do 4. referent:respect/love as resource.they identify w you, feeling attracted/want to stay close 5.expert:broad understanding of their wants 6.info:possess specific knowledge they want |
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source of power:*ability to reward&punish other based in your control over resources the other values*capacity to control function of: · |
1.#of resources desired by other you could potentially have control over:more youcontrol valuable things, more you have power 2.amount of control you could've over resource other desire:other may havealternative for getting valued outcome:amount of control vary from area to another “little vs. complete control” 3.How much other values resource(s) you could control:if don’t value resource,you have less power. |
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how ppl differ in willingness to use power |
>Override moral values:exercising power associated w moral ambiguity >power use may damage potential/existing relationship 1.partner is unhappy,cautious,depressed& fears punishment w use 2.ppl care about their -ve evaluation of them 3.become less satisfied b.c they devalue their partner(see partner as weak) |
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Effect of power on ppl in power |
*in power:happier&have high self esteem.
*self importance in self perception of mate value (prefer more attractive partner. expect ppl tofind them sexually interesting&available&stage more flirtation w them). *drawE so they can read it (reverse) *25%more likely to cheat on partner. |
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power differential:2 types |
1.Objective:actual differences in control over valued resources.
2.Perceived:some may feel less powerful than they are,underestimate their power&over estimate others power. >some influential/intimidating(even if they don’t wantto be)b/c of their perceived greater power. *interaction is likely to unfold on basisof perceived not objective power referential. |
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social power |
influence&poweroverlap
*ability to influence behavior of others&resist influence on use. *ability to compel person to dosomething that he/she wouldnt choose to given availablealternatives *within broad scheme of influence, theres subset of influence that make ppl do something that they don’t choose to do. |
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social power influence continuum |
*way to think about power.
*Complete to no freedom of choice *freedom to choose central to understanding power |
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3 breaks on influence continuum |
1.influence:person influenced:its my choice.sense of want to related to personal feeling. ppl can influence us but also make us feel we have choice&they recommend/give logical reasons/negotiate. - 2.manipulation:person being influenced.ppl try to constrain you&make you feel that I ought to but make you feel you're imposing constrains on yourself. use guilt, act helpless&plead. Ex.it’s ok, you can go, I wont feel alone
3.coercion:have to&you have no choice.use command, threat&enticement. Ex. reward is big that you can’t say no. |
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*Power as Perception:
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perception of free choice may not be same for self&other. experience of power requires sense that freedom of choice has been restricted. point freedom of choice shift from want to/have to differ for self&other – *subjective experience. *Power about perception: you think youre powerful&that’s why ppl obey you, but ppl might thought you influenced them to do what you want&you did not coerce them
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Power&interdependence:
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principleof lesser interest:person w less interest in continuing&maintainingrelationship has more power. mens interest in sex give women power*availabilityof that resource influences power. if there are few potential partners, morelikely to keep power imbalence. men typically more powerful b/c they workoutside homes&are exposed to more women Fatecontrol:aone autocratically determines outcome partner recievesbehaviorcontrol:change own behavior to encourage partner to alter theirs.
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influences on power |
*influenceby cultural patterns. in heterosexual relationships, power is often in man.*thosewho want equality cant maintain it:disparity in relative resources fmen&women (different pay), equality is hard to attain related to socialnorms that support/maintain male dominance&coercive power due to largersize&strength |
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ideal power outcome |
*1partners power matched by counterpower of another1from their partner Poweroutcome:best if power is shared2faces of power:powerful partner often use it as way to benefit relationship.
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elements of equality in close relationships |
1.relative status:whose interest matter more&who does low status chores/define whats important)
2.attention to other:who notice/attend feelings of partner 3. patterns of accommodation:whose are noticed/acknowledged vs taken forgranted. who arranges day around the other 4.well being:whose better off psychologically&physically, whose economic success is valued more? is1at expense of other |
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violence &power:michealjohnson:3 types of violence in romantic couples: |
1.situational couple violence:SCV is common from heated conflicts out of hand. =odds by both genders. I cubed model organizes influences 2.Intimate terrorism:IT: partner uses violence to oppress/control. mostly men.*also use Icube model. different enduring reasons 3.voilent resistance:forcibly fight back against intimate terrorism |
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violence &powerIcubed model:influences of situational couple violence
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instigatingtriggers that cause partners to be on edge (conflict, betrayal, rejection,aggression), impelling influences that make it more likely for partners toexperience violent impulse (distal-family origin violence,dispositional-neurotic, relational-mismatched attachment style,situational-heat/noise)&inhibiting influences (distal-egalitarian culturalnorm, dispositional-conscientiousness, relational-satisfaction&commitment,situational-sobriety). |
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violence &power:reasons for intimate terrorism
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differentenduring reasons:to keep partner/b/c of antisocial narcassistic tool to getwhat they want.*feelingof inadequacy&childhood abuse. often lower self esteem&feelintellectually less able than partner&live in poverty*sonof abusive parent 10x more likely to be abusive &misbehave*menwho engage in IT have masculine code that promote man authority over women bytdont feel adequate. may feel its legitamet response to partners disrespect.dont see self as real abusers cause they dont enjoy hurting. |
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violence &power:gender difference in intimate violence:
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women more violent but men more likely tochoke/beat up partner while women throw stuff, kick, bite,scratch&punch.men do more damage (62%).*assessyoung couples ¬ those in court.*womenengage in indirect by ruining reputation |
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violence &power:violencein relationship:
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*violence:behavein manner intended to do physical harm to others*conflicttactic scale:ppl describe use of psychological&physical aggression toromantic parnter. *66%of men&52% of women have been physically assaulted. 22% of women&7% ofmen in intimate relationship. violence higher by #of men in relationship.*mostrelationships use some violence at some points *violencecause many ppl to leave their partners:battered women followed for 2.5 years&43% got out of relationship, 22% had partner stop violence&33% still wabuser. anxious, economically dependentYfear keeps ppl w them |
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violence &power:
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violence &power:mate gaurding
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work,regulate&control our partners access to potentialrivals |
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Power&Trust
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*Power&trust both have the capacity to reduceuncertainty: there are two ways to gain certainty: 1. being able to trust the other person to do what you want him/her to do, 2.the other wayis to manipulate&coerce the person to do what you want.
*dynamics are interactive&work together |
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low vs high trust relationships |
low trust:influence attempts are morelikely to involve efforts to direct/constrain the other’s choice. *other cannot be relied on to care *Conflict involves the use of power strategies to acquire/protect own interests hight trust:Other is motivated by caring for you *Conflict involves problem solving using negotiation&direct communication |
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percieved relational value:
*why we care what partner thinks of us *what is relational value:degree___considers___ *what causes it to drop *how it relate to stress/why we feel hurt (what is core to stress) |
*care what partner thinks b/c of need to belong. *relational value is degree other considers our relationship value, important&close
*betrayal cause it to drop *core to stress:perception others value our relationship less than we want |
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7 degreesof acceptance/rejection:
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1.maximal inclusion:others seek us&go out of way to interact
2.active inclusion:others welcome&dont seek us 3.passive inclusion:others let us be included 4.ambivalence:dont care if we're included 5. maximal exclusion:banish us 6.active exclusion:avoid us, tolerate presence if necessary 7.passive exclusion: ignore us but dont avoid us |
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Hurtfeelings:
*what doesn't boost self esteem *what doesn't matter as far as getting hurt *what has a great impact *type of response to emotion |
*level of rejection doesn't matter
*being adored doesnt boost self esteem *relational devaluation:decrease in others acceptance/regard for us has great impact *physical pain response |
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*ostracism in relationships >how common is getting the cold shoulder >what is ostracism >is it intentional >3 reasons you do it >2 results |
*most gave/recieved 'cold shoulder' *intentionally ignorepartner to punish, cool down, avoid conflict. >damagerelationship&is dehumanizing. |
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jealousy *what the variety of feelings range from >what 2 benefits of it *3 common emotions *what they are a response to *2 types of jealousy&type of threat |
*from sad dejection to pride ones partner is desirable to others.
*protect relationships/help mate selection *most feel hurt, anger&fear to potential loss of valued relationship due to real (reactive)/ imagined (suspicious) rival/threat |
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jealousy:2 types
1.reactive:what it is response to >3 times event may occur >give example *commonality 2.suspicious:type of threat&what partner hasnt done *commonality >3 things it causes >what it may be from |
1.reactive:normal.response realistic/actual threat.maybe current, past&future event ex.partner flirting w someone 2.suspicious:vary by person.imagined threa.partner hasnt misbehaved&suspision dont fit fact *worried,mistrustful snooping&vigilance *may be from cause (ex. affair) but last unrealistic amount of time (years) |
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What increases Jealousy *2 things relate to power imbalance *2 relate to individual:include 2 traits(high&low) *how traditional gender roles play in *1 relate to rival:elaborate |
1.dependant on relationship/feel inadequate: discrepency in mate value each person brings to relationship 2.personality trait&attachment style:neurotic&low agreeable 3.gender roles:machomen&feminine women 4. rival has high(er) mate value(attractive ppl&values mate likes).ppl overestimate value of rivals. |
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Jealousy:gender difference *how familyreact to daughter/son in law infidelity *what type of infidelity makes men jealous vs women *what they assume *how they view homosexual cheating *what they don't differ in |
*family react to infidelity the same as genders *men:sexual(less worried about same sex) *women:emotional.either gender as the same >both assume their insecurity is more common *men&women dont differ in jealous tendancies. |
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jealousy:coping:how genders&attachment differ
*what 2 groups what to fix it for attachment *genders:what women want to do&what men want to do |
*secure&anxious express concern&want to fix it. women:if ex share lightkiss, women try to improve relationship (put on show ofindifference&compete by making self more attractive) >try to induce jealousy by exaggerating interactions w men men:protect ego by planning to confront, threaten rival&pursue other women. |
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copingconstructively w jealousy:if threat is real
*redice *work on 2 things in relationship *list 2 techniques and explain *3 ways formal therapy help:enhance...improve... reduce... |
reducesocial media exposure.
*work on disconeccting self worth&exclusivity 1.self reliance:stay cool to avoid anger/embarrasment. refuse to dwell 2.self bolser self esteem.do nice stuff for self& think of good qualities. *formaltherapy enhance self esteem, improve commication&reduce irrational thought |
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jealousy:how common is cheating
>in young couples, how many have kissed/fondled someone else/slept w someone else(most often more than once) in relationship *2 things men are higher at *% of kids raised by men who don't know they aren't theirs *how often do men&women mate poach&how successful are they |
*young couple:over 1/2 kissed someone&1/5 slept w someone else *men more likely to cheat& better at detecting cheating. *2% of kids raised by men who dont know the kids were fathered by another man *matepoaching:54% of men&34% of women have attempted to take someones partner.4/5 succeeded atleast once |
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deception vs lying |
deception:intentional behavior creates impression on recipiant that deciever knows to be true.
lying:fabricate info to make statements that contradict truth. may conceal/divert attention from facts/give half truths. |
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lying in close relationships:Bela depaulo: *truth bias:what is it&2 reasons it occur *who most ppl think is a better lier: them or their partner *how common lying in close relationships are& 2 types you often see *what partners lie most about *what are 2 results of this:consequence even if undetected |
*mostthink they are better at decieving partner *truthbias:assume partner is telling truth.trust increase w time&practice detecting lie don't help *tell partner most lies:most small&benevolent. *lie most:serious topic that effect relationship 1.ppl consider relationship w lier to be lesspleasant &intimate. 2.decievers distrust:when we lie, begin to percieve recipient of lies as less honest&trustworthy |
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*Bela depaulo: *lying online:how common is it&what we believe about it *#of lies told a day on vs off campus *%of ppl you interact w that you lie to *% that lies less than weekly *attachment style&2 personality traits that tell more lies |
*lie less but seen as less trustworthy online. *tell 2 a day/1/3 they interact w.off campus tell 1 *5% dont tell lies in a week. *sociable ppl&those w insecure attachement styles&low conscientiousness tell morelies. |
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*Bela depaulo:Lies
*what most lies are:b,c,u,s *what most feel *what most lies are like&exception *3 common lies by women? by men? *what 1/4 of lies are told to do:3 things *what 2 things they may promote |
most:benefit lier/for gain(ex.attractiveness)casual, unserious&spontaneous event
*most feel they wont get caught. *liesare short&less detailed unless it important. *1/4 told to benefit/protect other *liesmay promote polite, friendly interaction. *women:promise sex.fake pleasure sound/orgasm *men:misrepresent ambition/income&claim to be more commited. |
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*Bela depaulo: detecting lies *who sucks at lying? >traits:1 >:motivation:when this is most true >4 nonverbal behaviours that give you away >discrepency&1 other thing >why honesty micro expressions don't often give them away >what isn't related >what you can learn |
* # of lies told unrelated
1.low social skills 2.high motivation:obvious.esp if trying to impress someone attractive 3.nonverbal behavior:high pitch, grammatical error, slips of tongue, less blinking. 4.discrepency b/w facial expression &tones&inconsistancy in what they say 5.microexpressions:ppldiffer in manurisms.lying noticable in change of deinor but muust be familiar wtheir style. can learn to be more accurate w feedback |
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betrayal *what interpersonal betrayal scale shows as the 3 most likely programs to betray you >3 types of ppl:scj >what they have more of/upbringing *3 ppl theatre unlikely to betray you |
likely:social science,education, business&humanity. *suspicious, cynical&jealous ppl w morepsychiatric problems &broken homes. *unlikely:older, educated&religious. |
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betrayal *what is it *what it show *who can't betray us *gender difference:2 ppl each are more likely to betray |
victimized by intimate partner(not acquaintance) show they dont value our relationship as much as we believe.
*men:romantic partner&business associates *women:friends&family |
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copingw betrayal
*reinterpret.... *face.... *rely.... *2 ppl that want revenge:traits(high&low) *what is best in long run |
reinterpret event in +ve light, face up to it, rely on friend for support.
*revenge if high neuroticism&low agreeableness *admittingwrong is better in long run |
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Forgiveness
*what its decision to do *what you acknowledge *what is communicated *what 2 things you don't do *what you do *style most likely to forgive *type of relationship it occurs in&what it does *2 things partner does that make forgiveness more likely |
decisionto give up percieved/right to get even w/hold debt person who wronged you.
*acknowledge harmful conduct.give undeserved mercy.communicate willingness to exit cycle *dontcondone/forget partners behavio *more likely if secure&get apology/empathy *occur in committed relationships&can improve relationship |
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trust *what is it in interpersonal relationships&what it is needed to do *what it is a filter for *what it require:2 things from others *what it typically refers to:direction&can this change |
*ground zero of interpersonal relations:needed to move forward in relationships *filter new events/experiences are interpreted. *require active presence&participation of others in waysthat are often beyond our control *typically refer to moving in +ve direction but can go in reverse |
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trust 1. level of.... elaborate 2. emotional... elaborate |
1.level of cognitive confidence:subjective probability assessment that something(other will act in way that fulfill our expectation)will/won't happen 2.emotional security:extent we feel/think we're safe |
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trust: *expectations:what they range from&which is most important *core expectation that all want/need >2 things about partner >what this is needed for >how abstract is it >why it requires distinction:elaborate |
*expectation:range from specific concrete behavior to abstract (more important) interpersonal motives/ways ppl respond to us. *core expectation:partner thatsmotivated by caring for us&act in way that take need/desire into account.needed to fulfil needs.so abstract that its unique.want more than predictability *require distinction:can predict enemy but wont feel secure w them. |
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Trust development:erikson&bowlby *how it begin in infancy:eriksons stage&bolby's 2 parts >what is it&what it is foundation for *why kids act out *uniqueness of trust bonds |
*erikson:trust vs mistrust is 1st *bowlby:security&consident caregiving *1 of 1st thing you learn:affect later relationship *distinct feature of unique relationship w a person ultimately determines trust for that person *kids that act out have trust issues.abused kids in situation w alot of inconsistency |
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diagnostic situations to tell if someone is trustworthy. *only way to know if someone is trustworthy *situation its clearly demonstrated/needed to show *example(2) *control other has *when you feel safer *effective leadership patterns:explain to ppl what they need to do&let them do it vs monitor them: |
*only know if give them chance to show they arent:risk/vulnerability(to others action) situation
ex.conflict/disclosure:other has choice to (not) fulfill expectation&it may not be in their interest *feel safer if other responds +vely/more friendly >effective leadership:ppl did what they were supposed to regardless but leaders who monitored workers trusted them less |
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generalized (overall)trust for ppl >3 ways you classify ppl >what determines how we respond to ppl >what it can be described as:describe the shift that occur as you move down&what this means >what ppl can use +ve events for >-ve event:why ppl have greater reactivity |
*high,medium,low *how we respond will depend on how much we trust them >continuum w break points. ways of thinking start to shift as you move down.dont know what to expect not that youhave it in for someone *+ve event:give info *-ve event:greater reactivity b/c primed w evolution |
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High Trust *score *what you feel *what its like if +ve vs -ve *why they're more excusing *when are highest levels of trust seen in a relationship&why |
6&7.feel safe/secure.not earth shattering if +ve, upsetting but not crisis if -ve.
>be more excusing:have a foundation to know that something isnt a real threat *highest levels of trust seen early on in relationship. trust b/c attracted to ppl *early trust is blind:intense&fragile |
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low trust *score *what you feel *what you have to do *principle *what this means *when they do/dont stick up for themselves *what is it &why:how they respond in public/private |
3&4.feel at risk.have to take care of things alone *principle of self protection:not to get to invested in what another is doing(dont complain/rock the boat if it isnt worth it) >if it really matters to them, they will fight for it >if it doesnt matter as much, they dont bother b/c they give other a chance to hurt them *reaction b/c respond publicly only +ve. -ve in private.less -ve&fairly +ve in +ve event. |
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Medium trust *how they respond to -ve event *how they respond to +ve event:how less...&more... >why this reaction occurs >2 things they must have&what the 2 main goals are >what there is more of:elaborate >what they must eliminate |
*-ve event:more sensitive/strong response *+ve event:less +ve reaction&more volatility >don't have sense of security:must understand/ protect self more.goal:get rid of doubt/feel safe >more at stake/risk if wrong:do you want something, are you guilty, etc >must eliminate other options |
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Can trust be rebuilt?**no real research on this *type of concept trust is&what this means *standards for trust *what makes trust hard to rebuild *type of trust that may be regained in couples |
*trust is asymmetrical concept:easier to build than breakdown *we have level of expectations/high standards >little room to go beyond expected but a lot of room to fall short. >couples may regain low/middle trust |
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How trust/relationship breaks down 1.go down in flames:what occurs&2 things that are clear in it 2.way its built:what 2 things you run out of >what accumulates to cause it >2 things this leads to:different...&lose... *3 reactions victim of broken trust has |
1.down in flame:period where they clearly dont take your need into account/can't be trusted 2.way its built:run out of charitable attributions /circumstances to explain small things over time *different thought pattern:entertain doubt(maybe its you) *lose confidence:ppl who care adjust behavior/get act together *reaction:hurt,anger&doubt |
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Rebuilding trust after you cheat 1.what should you seek >what you should show(3 things):elaborate 2.what you should recognize >what you should admit&accept 3.2 things you should do for partner >what you should accept *what you should give 4.what you should do w behavior. elaborate |
1.remorse for hurt you cause:seek forgiveness
*show vulnerability/regret:empathetic understanding of impact on other person 2.recognize wrong:admit guilt&accept responsibility for things you control/were responsible for. 3.respect&care for partner:accept their reaction *give time:don't pressure to forgive/forget 4.reform/change behavior pattern:be reliable in little things |
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>>REBUILDING TRUST AS VICTIM
1.what to agree to >care for...&dont 2.give partner&allow 3.take... 4.start to.... *what forgiveness is an experience of |
1.agree to work on rebuilding relationship. care for self&dont use betrayal as weapon 2.give partner opportunity/situation to rebuild it &allow small failure 3.take responsibility if appropriate:listen to them& understand their issues 4.start to forgive w nonrejection:forgiven experience is one of acceptance |
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Theories of emotion:Mandler/berscheid:
2 parts&definition of each *which is conscious *what is emotion a result of >give example >what this leads to >what causes a -ve or +ve experience *what is emotional intensity determined by |
1.goal:thing we want to achieve 2.plan:conscious.means to achieve goal *emotion:plan disruption(ex.challenged expectation)lead to autonomic nervous system arousal >-ve experience:goals are interrupted >+ve experience:goals are facilitated *emotional intensity:determine by importance of goal percieved to be affected |
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Theories of emotion:Mandler/berscheid: *what it is useful for. 1.what it helps us understand about emotion. give example 2.what it may give us a clue of *what part of it is accepted/controversial |
1. understand fundamental/basic of why we feel good/bad. ex.feel good if expectations are succeeded get a better goal&have easy time getting goal 2.clue on emotional experience intensity *notcontroversial to understand order of goals/hierarchy |
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Theories of emotion:misattribution of arousal *when can arousal be attributed to alternate sources (2 things) |
*arousal can be attributed to alternate sources whenambiguity/more desirable explanations are present |
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2 distinct interconnected processing systems of emotion(emotivation) *3 things about them:fmo *how they occur&how often *what processing time variable help you determine |
*fast,multilevel&ongoing *occur //through brain w many sweeps of action. *time variable determine where you're in stage/ system |
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Theories of emotion:why do we have them/how they work: 1.ppl have cause/effect mentality:what trigger emotional system? give example(2) 2.processing:what it determines a)emotion processing system:>what it preps organism for&drives *2 things it promote, fuel, address&direct us to b)motivational processing system:3 things related to memory *what they consider (2 things) *3 things that prototypical memory&body's physical state/experience do:inform, communicate&modulate |
1.new/unexpected event change environment& challenge expectation:trigger emotion system 2.processing:det. personal relevance of change a)emotion:prep for action&drive what we do *fuel motivation goal/trajectory of how change is b)motivation:activate,recall/link relevant memory *consider many responses/goals *memory&physical state inform you of whats going on,communicate what you need to do&modulate response |
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Theories of emotion:why do we have them? |
ex.anger response to threat/show prepared to fight. flight response also occur 5.social function:communicate to in/out group when ~threat on how you'll respond |
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2 distinct interconnected processing systems of emotion(emotivation) Motivational:later processing *what is a trigger *where you get guidance *2 descriptives of this stage *what are the 2 motivational goals&what all ppl are oriented towards (2 things) >what trajectory is *3 things relate to past memories *what you consider |
*later processing *triggers:things that're pulled back in again *conscious/deliberate. *goals:(appetite&defence):all oriented toward obtaining benefit/avoiding harm *trajectory:action tendency toward/away from stimulus built into emotion experience >motivation becomes more activated(prefrontal cortex activated&work through info). |
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2 distinct interconnected processing systems of emotion(emotivation) emotion:what is it >what is emotion&2 descriptives *what approach most ppl take |
>unconscious, primitive survival circuit
initial appraisal/preliminary analysis *most take evolutionary approach |
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Love *how it was recent requirement for marriage: stats in 1967 *how attitude toward love varied over ages:c,v s,s,m *what greeks though passion was a sign of *what was love considered/views as in 20th century |
*1967:76%of women&35% of men would marry someone they didnt love. *attitude toward love varried in:cultural value, sexuality(consensual/not),orientation&marital status *greeksthought passion was sign of madness*courtlylove in 20th century. nonsexual. passion is desired but doomed |
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Physiologicalperspective on love:helen Fisher
*how love triad differ. *what 2 types of love were universal on brain scan&despite what? 1.lust:what it is a drive for. 2 hormones increased in it 2.attraction:what its regulated by (2 examples) 3.attachment:what its regulated by |
*passion,intimacy&commitment trigger different brain parts
*romantic&compassionate love universal on scans even if reason for falling is different 1.lust:sex drive for successful reproduction:dopamine&sex hormones 2.attraction:regulated by nts(dopamine&seratonin)that activate part of brain for reward 3.attachment:regulated by neuropeptide oxytocin |
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Triangular theory of love&attachment styles
*what attachment styles do |
*keepmates together
1.intimacy:secure:high regard&trust for others. more open& see ppl as dependent&honest. insecure (esp. avoidant)is opposite. 2.passion:anxious:apprehension in intimate reactions. avoidant:distance/detached. secure find sex more enjoyable&frequent 3.commitment:secure:more commited w better interactions *caring&caregiving:insecure:less effective caregivers.high avoidance get angery. anxioys offr a lot of help for selfish reason(gain approval) |
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attachment style gender difference for love |
similarbut difference in attachment styles:men more dismissing *women experience moreintense volatile emotions. rarely difference on romantic feelings. men havemore romantic attitudes than female&are likely to believe in ove at 1stsight. men want more passion than women do
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6 styles of loving:alan lee:
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1.eros:erotic love w intense/passion seeking
2.ludus:love is game 3.storge:prefer friendship that grow into commitment 4.mania:demanding, possessive&excitable 5.agape:altruistic&dutiful 6.pragma:practical, careful&logical |
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Does love last? *what you have more/less of w age *2 types of love that are temporary& what causes their decrease >change in affection within 2 years of marriage >why the 1 doesn't last *coolidge effect:president calvin coolidge:what happen to arousal. example *which of 3 love types on triangular theory is most variable&what it is replaced w in happy marriage |
*age:morehappy but less physical arousal *romantic&passionate love:temporary:decrease after marry/cohabit.affection drop 1/2 in 2 years *fantasy add romance.novelty add excitement *coolidge effect:arousal fade w time.cock has sex drive b/c theres more than 1 hen in the pen *passion is most variable&is replaced w increased compassionate love in happy marriage. |
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Triangular theory of love:stern burg 1.i:wuts in l. is e 2.p:ps. is m 3. c:dcps. is c |
1.intimacy:warmth, understanding, trust, support in loving relationship.emotional 2.passion:physical/sexual arousal. motive 3.commitment:devotion, compassion, permanence, stability. cognitive |
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Triangular theory of love:stern burg
*all 3 present.give example *all 3 absent.is it maintainable *high in:intimacy:example *high in:passion *high in:commitment:2 examples *high in:passion&commitment:when it occur |
1.superficial relationship/nonlove:all absent
2.consummate love:all present.temporary 3.liking/friendship:intimacy. 4.infatuation:passion 5.emptylove:commitment.love died/didnt occur 6.fatuous love: passion&commitment.couple quickly marry based on passion
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companionate love *state *what its based on *2 things it involves *%of couples that rate romantic partner as best friend&after 15 years, 2 reasons why they say relationship lasted |
*settled state. based on deep friendship
*involve companionship&activity enjoyment *44%of couples report partner is friend.relationships lasted:best friend&good person |
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Triangular theory of love:stern burg:types of love compassionate love
*2 things its high in *give 2 examples *how successful is it in marriage/romance *3 things it involves:ess *3 things its rooted in |
*intimacy&commitment.close companion/couple,most successful romances *involve empathy, selflessness&sacrifice. *rooted in understanding&accepting strength&difference & selfless concern |
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Triangular theory of love:stern burg:types of love Passion&romantic love: >2 things its high in&what it prioritize >give 2 examples >attributes *2 desires/longings&what they're prone to *id&pr *motivation *c:e&a *emotion&arousal *related but not defining characteristics:tsatr |
>intimacy&passion.prioritize relationship >summer affair/early relationship *desire exclusivity/united:prone to jealousy *idealization&preoccupied thoughts *motive promote,maintain&restore proximity *caring:empathy&compassion *joy/strong +ve emotion&physiological arousal *related:trust,sexual desire,acceptance, tolerance&reciprocal |
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3 causesof passionate love |
*physiologicalarousal(emphasize role o thoughts&beliefs)&idealization *sexual/eroticdesire *rapidchange in intimacy:all new experience w that person |
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*passionatelove scale:assess fascination/preoccupation w high desire for object of love. arousal:hatfield&berscheid: passion attraction rooted in physioloical arousal like fast heartbeat w belief that other person is cause of your arousal. ex. interview location determines physicalattraction of men.*doesntmatter the type of arousal: -ve arousing (description of brutal murder), +vearousing (comedy)& neutral (circulatory system of frog) |
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love scale |
assessintimacy. romance is characterized by oppenss, communication&trust.dependence describe ardent longing for partner that is similar to passion.caring that is concern for welfare of partner.>involvegiving&taking. relative intensity:youd do anything for them&bemiserable wout them.*romanticjudgement (whether they have a date later) influenced mens evaluation of womansperformance *ableto focus less on other romantic partner option if distract self w picturingcurrent partnet*selfexpansion model:aron:love causes our self concept to expand&change aspartners bring us new experience&roles.*80-90%of young couples felt it wout it being returned>canmeasure on friendship/companionate love on love scale |
