Who Will Light Incense When Mother's Gone Analysis

What does a person’s identity mean to them? The definition of identity is “who or what a person is”. A writer named Andrew Lam reveals what personal identity means in “Who Will Light Incense When Mother 's Gone. In this non-fiction story, Lam moves to America, and he begins to emphasize who he is as an individual, rather than becoming a duplicate of his family. Suddenly, since Lam moved to America, he does not recall is old ways of living, therefore he is on a quest for his identity presented by rejection, change, and new beginnings.
All of a sudden, the family has moved to America, and Lam begins rejecting family functions. Since Lam came to America, he began the quest for his identity, whereas his mother already had an opposing idea of …show more content…
In fact, Lam says that “his mother had a pained look in her eyes. If she was proud of him, then she mourned the growing distance between them” (Lam). With this in mind, it shows Lam no longer conformed to the ideas about tradition, but he made new adjustments from this point on. In addition, his mother even implied that “America had changed him, and America even gave him too much freedom” (Lam). Indeed, America did change Lam because America gave him the opportunity to represent himself, but not the family as a whole, in which lighting a candle for the dead would serve as his role. As a result Lam states “I myself can 't remember the last time I lit incense sticks and talked to my dead ancestors. Having fled so far from Vietnam, I can no longer imagine what to say, or how I should address my prayers, or for that matter what promises I could possibly make to the long departed” (Lam). Lam’s statement infers why he can no longer light an incense to the dead, as this gives indication that he did not want to light the incense, but also Lam could no longer verbalize what to say showing that he had lost the understanding of how important it was to his culture. However, Lam does not light an incense for the dead, but he does light an incense for his mother. Lam undoubtedly begins to change, and along with this change, he shifts his identity from being Vietnamese to being an …show more content…
Nevertheless, Lam acknowledges that he and his mother “live in two different worlds” (Lam), and it depicts the idea that his beliefs remain the same. Interestingly, it is no surprise that Lam did not want to continue Vietnamese tradition of lighting a candle in the U.S., but Lam wanted something free; a new beginning. With this new beginning Lam began the search for new ideas, ways of thinking, even values he considered important. Lam writes “Yet, if some rituals are, some others have only just begun”. Lam finally exemplifies that he does wish he could light an incense, but he cannot, and he is finally at peace with letting the tradition die, after his mother is gone.
In conclusion, just as most of us will never live up to our parents expectations neither did Lam. Lam effectively formed his own opinions about how he should live, and what he should do. Lam shows us how being resistant and nonconforming led him to hide from pressure today. Throughout “Who Will Light Incense When Mother 's Gone” Lam comes into his own, and he begins to judge make decisions as he sees fit. All in all, since moving to America, Lam has taught us new ways of living by rejection, change, and his new