Personal Experience: Moving To The US

My grandmother passed away almost three years ago. There is so much about her life that I remember, even though an ocean separated us for most of our lives. Julie-san, my Japanese grandmother, returned to Japan after raising my mother in the United States in the early nineteen eighties, over a decade before I was born in the States. Her return to Japan was spurred by the death of my grandfather, who died during my mother’s first year of college, and my grandmother’s desire to live out the rest of her life on good terms with her family; who felt slighted by the way she had chosen to move to the US during the post-world war two era. Although my grandmother and I were separated physically for most of my life, the Japanese notions of shame, family …show more content…
Apart from some family trips, I have not spent a significant amount of time in Japan, nor have I ever spent a significant amount of time with Japanese communities in the States. Despite this, I have grown up knowing that I am different from my peers. I have grown up knowing that I am Japanese, and should be proud of my rich cultural and ethnic heritage. There were times growing up when I remember my grandmother talking to me over the phone about school, reminding me that my behavior and grades must not bring “dishonor” or “shame” upon the family. She would remind me of how shameful the “American” family was, and how I was to bring honor to my family because I am Japanese. I grew up with the intuitive sense that every action I made, grade I received, and award I won reflected upon my entire family – not just upon myself. This drove me to try hard at everything out of fear that I would bring “shame” upon my proud Japanese heritage. Shame was at the center of the way I was socialized, and taught to relate to the rest of the world. Shame was to be avoided at all costs, and that whenever I felt shame, that shame was amplified as it was projected onto the rest of my family and heritage. It was a form of primary socialization that was passed down from my …show more content…
The clearest illustration of this was when my cousin, Lauren, became pregnant while she was still unmarried and in High School. My grandmother happened to be visiting us in the States when we received the news. I could tell that my grandmother was very upset, and it felt like there was something we had all done wrong as a family. My grandmother was a mix of furious, and sad. Immediately she demanded that we disown my cousin Lauren because of the “dishonor” she has brought to our family. However, after a few minutes my grandmother changed her tone, and although disappointed, my grandmother wanted us to forgive Lauren. This further reinforced the socialized notion that shame was brought upon the entire family by one’s failings, not just upon the individual. However I also think that I saw how my grandmother had been influenced by not only Japanese values of shame and honor, but also by the western ideal of