Perfectionism In My Life

1287 Words 6 Pages
For about a week I have tried to find the write words to explain to people what it is like to be a perfectionist. How would you describe it? Someone who strives to be perfect. Someone who everyone wants to be. A person who dose not stop until everything in there life is perfect. I only wish that was what perfection is like. You see “At its root, perfectionism isn’t really about a deep love of being meticulous. It’s about fear. Fear of making a mistake. Fear of disappointing others. Fear of failure. Fear of success.” (Michael Law) For a long time I have been labeled as a perfectionist, and for an even longer time I have lived in fear. The perfectionist inside of me hates trying new things. If something is new that means it is impossible
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I started doing band camp at the end of July, and I spent more then three days planning out what I was going to wear on the first day. When I walked in to any room girls still gave me the look. The look that was equal parts hate, jealousy and ah. I thought everything was going right in my life; then it hit me for the first time in a really long time I felt like I had failed. It happened the first week of school I got cut from the volleyball team. I was devastated. To me there was no conceivable expiation as to why. All my passes where spot on. I had not missed a serve all week, and I worked harder then anyone else on the court. It was the first time in my life that my best was not good enough. For the first time I was not good enough, and it killed me. In that moment I felt like there was nothing I had ever done that I could be proud of. All the time I had spent walking on egg shells making sure everyone thought I was perfect it was worthless. I could not handle it as soon as I got into the car I balled. I cried so much I was pretty sure my tear ducks where going to go dry. My parents where so confused they know I was upset about not making the team but they thought I would get over it. When I didn’t my dad got worried and he told me I should go out for …show more content…
Well that is what I thought. So, here I was playing tennis in the hot sun. I was horrible. I had awful form and could barely hit the ball over the net. I wished I was a turtle so I could crawl into my shell and no one would see me. My mom could tell after a week of playing she sat me down and made me talk to her. She was shocked that I expected to become phenomenal by the end of the season. In her mom way she told me “Me and your dad didn’t want you to play because we expected you to get a scholarship or anything like that. We just wanted you to have fun and enjoy doing something you like.” I do not know why but when she told me to have fun everything clicked I realized that I had not done anything for fun in a long time. I made a decision that I was going to play tennis for fun. It was not easy though fun meant I was going to be happy wither I won or lost. Even harder at the end of the game I would make a conscious decision to compliment my self instead of finding things that I did wrong. It was even harder then I thought. I had to tell my self over and over that it was ok to make mistakes; just because I made a mistake or even if I made a hundred in a row it did not make me a bad player or a bad person. It just meant that there was room for improvement, and that was ok. It gave me something to work for. I found that it was easier for me to reach my goals when I played doubles. It was nice

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