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60 Cards in this Set

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Define Love
Love – deep and tender feelings of affection for or attachment to one or more persons
What are the types of love?
Romantic Love: The strong, emotional attachment to a person of the opposite sex and, on occasion, the same sex.

Passionate Love: An intense emotional reaction to a potential romantic partner who may not even love you in return

Companionate Love: A loving but practical relationship based primarily on emotional closeness and commitment rather than physical or sexual intimacy.

What is the triangular theory of love?
Triangular theory of love suggests that love has three components, intimacy, passion, and commitment
Define Intimacy
Intimacy is an emotional aspect of love and includes closeness, sharing, communication, and support. The friendship component of love
Explain the characteristics of intimacy as it relates to the triangular theory of love
>The friendship component of love

>Develops slowly in the beginning, progresses steadily then levels off.

>Lack of intimacy means relationship may be dying off.

>Often Taken for granted

Define Passion
Passion which is an emotional and motivational aspect of love, involves physiological arousal and an intense desire to be united with the loved one
Explain the characteristics of passion as it relates to the triangular theory of love
>“Energizing force” that leads to feelings of euphoria and infatuation, as well as physical attraction and sexual arousal.

>Passion blossoms quickly, but after a while it dissipates, so that increased exposure to the person no longer brings arousal, euphoria etc. that it once did.

>When we’re passionate we are blind to each other’s faults

Define Commitment
Commitment the cognitive aspect of love, which includes both the short-term affirmation of your love for the person and the long term commitment to maintain that love
Explain the characteristics of commitment as it relates to the triangular theory of love
>Usually develops in a more straightforward manner

>What makes relationships a “partnerships” and begins by deciding to be a couple

>In long lasting relationships, commitment increases gradually at first then more rapidly

>As relationship continues, commitment levels off, if relationship weakens commitment declines

What is the absence of all three parts of love called?
Nonlove, relationships with teachers, coworkers etc can be described this way
What are the kinds of love from the triangular theory, and the elements present?
>Liking (intimacy)

>Infatuation (Passion)

> Empty (commitment)

>Romantic (intimacy + Passion)

>Fatuous (Passion + commitment)

>Companionate (Intimacy + Commitment)

>Consummate (all three)

What are the cultural differences on perceptions of love in individualistic and collective socities?
Individualistic societies (e.g., N.A.):

>Romantic love is an important basis for marriage.

>Intimacy is important for marital satisfaction.

Collective societies (e.g., India):

>Other reasons (e.g., economic) act as the basis for marriage.

>The divorce rate is lower in these societies.

The way people approach close relationships, as adults, as well as their view of love in general, can be a reflection of _____________________?
Early childhood experiences

>More specifically childhood attachments to parents appears to influence adult attachment style to romantic partners

Define Attachment Style
Attachment style is our typical style of becoming involved with others, influences romantic attachments and is generally divided into 3 groups.
What kinds of attachment are there?
Securely attached people believe it’s easy to get close to others, and they report happy and trusting love relationships.

Avoidant attachments feel uneasy when people get too close to them.

Anxious-ambivalent, includes people who desire a high level of closeness that many partners don’t seem willing to give

What are some characteristics of a securely attached individual?
As adults these people demonstrate relatively positive images of romantic love an value the importance of relationships

>Loving, dependable, comfortable w/ intimacy.

>Readily share their emotions w/ others, communicate effectively

>Sensitive to partners needs

50% of adults

What are some characteristics of a avoidant attached individual?
>Closeness in a relationship is interpreted as emotional suffocation and/or stripping away of independence

>Because they fear intimacy, they have trouble trusting and depending on others and are prone to jealousy

>Hold a cynical picture of love, and believe romantic relationships are unimportant

25% of adults

What are some characteristics of a anxious-ambivalent attached individual?
>Desire intimacy but view most relationships as fragile

>Worry a lot about loved ones leaving them

>Experience emotional extremes and jealousy in relationships

>Find it easy to fall in love, but difficult to find true love

What does online dating provide clients compared to traditional dating?
1)Access to thousands of people interested in romance

2) 24-hour communication services b/w potential partners

3) matchmaking services b/w “compatible” romantic partners (these are no better than traditional ways of meeting people at producing long-term relationships)

What are some safety considerations of online dating?
>Don’t use your full name in your screen name

>Think about how different sites work before joining

>Remember that once you post information online you cant take it back

>Be careful about who you talk to

Define Self Disclosure
Self-disclosure is the sharing of intimate or personal information with another person.
What is the importance/use of self disclosure?
High levels of positive self-disclosure are related to confidence in the partner (relationship-esteem) and good relationship quality.

>Positive Self Disclosure is most effective

What is the risk of self disclosure?
Self-disclosure carries the risks of rejection due a particular disclosure and of ensuing insecurity.

>In order to feel secure in a relationship, people need to believe that their partners see qualities in them that merit attention, nurturance, and care

>People feel that they are honest with their disclosures but that others tend to misrepresent themselves

How should one use self-disclosure at the beginning of a relationship?
>People do misrepresent themselves because when it comes to establishing a relationship, complete and total honestly does not always appear to be the best policy

>Shortly after meeting someone, greater honesty can have a detrimental effect on the establishment of a relationship, especially when revealing too many personal flaws too soon.

Define Cohabitation
Cohabitation is the practice of unmarried persons living together, sharing bed and board.
Who is most likely to cohabitate? How have cohabitation rates changed?
Most who cohabit are in their twenties to forties. (Cohabitation rate for those b/w 30-40’s has doubled in the past 2 decades, 3→7%)
How does cohabitation prior to marriage affect marriage?
The cohabitation effect: Couples that cohabit before marriage have greater marital instability than couples that do not cohabit.

>However, other factors are stronger predictors of marital instability: >>Length of the cohabitation

>>Reasons for cohabiting

>>Problem-solving ability

Why do most people cohabitate?
Most common reason is economics, another common reason is a “trial” marriage of sorts (70% of couples live together before marriage)
Benefits of cohabitation?
Couples who cohabitate experience greater intimacy than other couples at their age, at least in the short run
Benefits of marriage?
Numerous benefits of marriage:

>Legitimization of a couple, security associated w/ being in a long term relationship

>>emotional benefits of intimacy and shared partnership, regular access to sex etc.

How has rate of marriage changed recently?
Marriage at a 50 year low in US, (51% of adults married)

>People in most regions of the world are waiting longer to marry

>People in most regions of the world are waiting longer to marry, and the median age of first marriage has been rising slightly each year.

>The older people are when they marry, the longer the marriage lasts.

>>Factors influencing the delay include a rise in education and economic modernization.

Define Marital satisfaction and explain how it is achieved
Marital Satisfaction is the sense of gratification and contentment in a marriage.

>Happy couples:

>>Use more positive behaviors to defuse the conflict (e.g., humor) when arguing.

>>Use joint problem solving.

>>Have or develop similar attitudes

Who are people most likely to marry?
People tend to marry persons who are similar in age, education, ethnicity, social background, race and religion.

>>This is changing as our society becomes more diverse

Happy couples do what?
>Happy couples use communication effectively.

>They engage in higher levels of self-disclosure, the sharing of intimate or personal information with one another.

>They communicate accepting and unconditional attitudes toward one another.

>They develop consummate love, the balanced combination of intimacy, commitment, and passion.

Unhappy Couples do what?
Unhappy couples use toxic communication, such as criticism and contempt, with one another
Define Couple Adjustment
Couple adjustment means the changes and adjustments in a couple’s relationship during the course of their committed or married life.
What are some (major) keys for adjustment in marriage?
>Of great importance to adjustment is each partner’s flexibility and willingness to transform

>During the first year of marriage it is not uncommon for lots of arguments

>Main difference b/w today’s and past couples is the lack of clearly defined roles for each partner

What are gender roles?
Gender roles refer to the social and cultural expectations about what is appropriate for males and females
What happens to attitudes in marriage over time?
>Becoming more attitudinally similar helps keep our love

>Overtime peoples attitudes align (less likely to cause arguments)

How do sex roles change?
More women work outside the home.

>Men are expected to provide greater emotional support and help with child rearing.

What are the Three factors associated with increased housework performance of men?
>If their mother worked during their childhood.

>A father was present in the home.

>The man currently is married

What is the most common problem reported by couples?
difficulty in communicating >Communicating at the outset of a problem rather than waiting can often prevent conflict escalation.

>Failure to communicate tends to occur at a deeper level involving the sharing of feelings, expectations, intentions, and personal needs.

What are some emotions and interaction styles that are toxic in marriage?
>Criticism – stating complaints in terms of a defect in your partner’s personality

>Contempt – making yourself seem superior to your partner

>Defensiveness – self-protection, often in the form of presenting oneself as an innocent victim

>Stonewalling – emotional withdrawal from the situation (letting them speak but not really listening)

Define Battering
Battering is a pattern of behaviour used to establish power and control over another person through fear and intimidation, often including the threat or use of violence. Battering happens when one person believes they are entitled to control the other
What are strategies to make marriage better?

Emotion focused therapy

and Mediation

Define Emotion-Focused Therapy and its goals/success rate
Emotion-Focused Therapy: A cognitive therapy that provides a technique for changing basic thought and emotional patterns

>GOAL: to help partners feel emotionally connected

>The success rate is 70 to 75 percent, according to research.

Define Mediation and its goals/success rate
Mediation: Intervention in a conflict by a neutral third party who assists the conflicting parties in managing or resolving their disputes

>GOAL: to help couples find mutually agreeable solutions to their problems

>The success rate is 80 to 90 percent, according to research

How does intercourse change over marriage?
The longer couples live together, the less frequently they have intercourse.

>However the quality of the sexual relationship becomes more important in longer relationships.

>20-50% women and 30-60% men report extramarital sex

Define Attribution
Attribution–a search for the cause of our own or another person’s behavior.
How does attribution vary in happy vs unhappy couples?
Happy couples make relationship-enhancing attributions:

>>Positive event: “She is so thoughtful!”

>>Negative event: “She must be under a lot stress.”

Unhappy couples make distress-enhancing attributions:

>>Positive event: “He must be up to something!”

>>Negative event: “He always forgets.”

Divorce rates?
The divorce rate among Americans has doubled, with about one out of two marriages (50%) ending in divorce.

>>20% of first marriages end within five years.

>>33 % of first marriages end within 10 years.

How long does it take for people to recover from divorce?
>Most people need 2 or 3 years to recover


>>The pain originates from emotional, legal, and social issues.

How successful are remarriages?
>Overall, second marriages are even more likely to end in divorce.

>>However, this is confounded by “repeaters,” people who marry and divorce several times, artificially inflating the overall divorce rates for remarriages.

> Research suggests that when repeaters are removed from the data, second marriages are slightly more successful than first marriages (about 6 out of 10 remarriages last)

Define a blended family
Children from the re-marriage plus children from the old marriage
Explain the benefits and draw backs of self-disclosure at the beginning of relationships
Although self-disclosure can help establish a relationship and prompt reciprocal sharing from others, excessive disclosure at the start of a relationships can scare people away.
Discuss why people get married
People get married for a variety of reasons,

>the legitimization of a couple

>the security associated with being in a long-term relationship

>the emotional benefits of intimacy and a shared partnership

>regular access to sex

>and support for child rearing.

List the various adjustments that occur during the course of committed relationships
Couple adjustment means the changes and adjustments in a couple’s relationship during the course of their committed or married life. Over time, couples experience adjustments in attitudes, the sharing of responsibilities, and in communication style.
Compare the characteristics of successful and unsuccessful marriages
Unsuccessful marriages are characterized by a communication style filled with contempt, criticism, defensiveness, and stonewalling. Those in successful marriages know how to solve problems effectively, use more positive behaviors than negative behaviors, engage in affective affirmation, and avoid using the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.”
Describe ways to improve the quality of existing relationships
Do the following to help improve the quality of a relationship:

(1) seek help early

(2) don’t say every critical thing that comes to mind

(3) bring up problematic topics gently and without blame

(4) be willing to accept influence from your significant other

(5) don’t accept hurtful behavior from your partner (

6) learn how to exit an argument without hurting the other person and

(7) engender a rich climate of positivity.

Discuss the challenges faced by blended families
Blended families, that is, remarriages involving children from previous relationships, pose special demands on the adults as well as the children. Difficulties include: having little child-free time build mutual understanding and acceptance of each other: >problems in the development of rapport and trust with the children: >children becoming resentful of directives given by stepparents >and a poorly defined role for the stepparent.