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14 Cards in this Set
- Front
- Back
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“four horsemen of the apocalypse”) |
Psychologist John Gottman, who articulated some of the warning signs of potential future marital distress Critsism • Contempt • Defensiveness
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criticism (rather than complaining about a particular behavior, the person attacks the character of one’s spouse), |
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contempt |
(sarcasm, cynicism, eye-rolling, mocking, etc.), |
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defensiveness, and stonewalling ( |
tuning out the partner and avoiding discussion). |
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three major types of commitment, each of which operates within marriage:i |
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Personal commitment. |
One of major types of commitment In essence, this is the degree to which one wishes to stay married to his or her spouse. As such, it is affected by how strongly one is attracted to one’s spouse, how attractive one’s relationship is, and how central the relationship is to one’s concept of self. |
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Moral commitment. |
This is the feeling of being “morally obligated” to stay in a relationship, resulting from one’s sense of personal obligation (“I promised to stay forever and I will”), the values one has about the lifelong nature of marriage (a “relationship-type obligation”), and a desire to maintain consistency in how one acts in important life matters (“I am not a quitter, I have never been a quitter, and I won’t quit now”). |
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Structural commitment. |
This is our awareness and assessment of alternatives, our sense of the reactions of others and the pressures they may put on us, the difficulty we perceive in ending and exiting from a relationship, and the feeling that we have made “irretrievable investments” in a relationship and that leaving the relationship would mean we had wasted our time and lost opportunities all for nothing. |
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five types of marriage, |
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Conflict-habituated marriages |
1st type of marriages are relationships in which tension, arguing, and conflict “permeate the relationship.” It may well be that conflict is what holds these couples together. It is at least understood to be a basic characteristic of this type of marriage. |
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Passive-congenial marriages |
2 ND type of marriage are relationships that begin without the emotional “spark” or intensity contained in our romantic idealizations of marriage. They may be marriages of convenience that satisfy practical needs in both spouses’ lives. Couples in which both spouses have strong career commitments and value independence may construct a passive-congenial marriage to enjoy the benefits of married life and especially parenthood.
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Devitalized marriages |
3rd type of marriages begin with a high level of emotional intensity that dwindles over time. From the outside looking in, these marriages may closely resemble passive-congenial relationships. What sets them apart is that they have a history of having been in a more intimate, sexually gratifying, emotional relationship that has become an emotional void. Obligation and resignation may hold such couples together, along with the lifestyle they have built and the history they have shared. |
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Vital marriages |
4th type of marriages appeal more to our romantic notions of marriage because they begin and continue with high levels of emotional intensity. Such couples spend much of their time together and are “intensely bound together in important life matters.” The relationship is the most valued aspect of their lives, and they allocate their time and attention on the basis of such a priority. Conflict is not absent, but it is managed in such a manner as to make quick resolution likely. |
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Total marriages |
5th type of marriage are relationships in which characteristics of vital relationships are present but to a wider and deeper degree, with the “points of vital meshing” extended across more aspects of daily coupled life. Spouses appear to share everything. |
