As a result of the continual shifts in court meetings, frustrations, arguments, and relationships; I often needed support. But I didn’t want any kind of support. I missed my mother. I didn’t like the void of her absence and the experience crushed the both of us. “Meaning making in the identity development of Black women is connected to their relationships and interactions with others” (Porter & Dean, 2015). The experience impacted the familiarity that a woman can have with her daughter. Small experiences such as getting your nails done or major transitions such as a first date, my mother and I experienced these from afar. My mother was remained present and engaged, she was always inserting herself, her thoughts, her perspectives, and her values
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I am my mother’s child and she is her mother’s child. In my opinion, my intrapersonal development matured rapidly due to the experiences of living with other women and my mother’s daily absence. Pizzolato, Nguyen, Johnston, & Wang (2012) note that in order for people to successfully respond to the intrapersonal (Who am I?) question, they must understand the “selfways” of their socialization. Selfways are culturally constructed and imparted on the individual (Pizzolato, Nguyen, Johnston, & Wang, 2012). They are the “outcome of socialization and are claimed as the community’s idea of what it means to be a person, based on normative ideas of how to be in relationships” (Pizzolato, Nguyen, Johnston, & Wang, 2012). My socialization was a complex mixture of battling what I desired for myself and what I was surrounded by. I wanted the relationships that my friends were having with their mother’s, I wanted to not hold this daunting secret, and I wanted to be normal like other children in two parent households. However, this was not and has not been my life. I recognized my difference at a very young age, where my peers were not exposed to high levels of dissonance or responsibility and maturity in the manner I had to balance. And that this balance was my normal. What we have control over (object) and elements that have control over us (subject), …show more content…
We are three generations of women who have been amazingly resilient in their life experiences. Although I did not live with my mother on a daily basis, she still imparted her wisdom and her expectations upon me. The pain she experienced with what she called “losing her child,” transformed into an example of resiliency and strength for me. Porter & Dean (2015) relayed “stories of survival,” where the strength of African American female mothers, is a direct result of the success of their daughters. Because she lived this experience with me, I admire how persistent she was in being visible and engaged in spite of our circumstance. She tried her best to never miss anything of importance, and she always took the opportunity to be engaged and visible. As I have grown into adulthood, my mother has become central in my world. As a result of previous dissonance (Pizzolato, Nguyen, Johnston, & Wang, 2012) which transformed many of the subjects controlling my life (Kegan, 1982), we have a unique relationship. Porter & Dean (2015) noted “the values their mothers instilled became important aspects of participants’ characters” (p.136). I began to dictate my environment and my time; as a result, I am connected to her and she is embodied in my
I am my mother’s child and she is her mother’s child. In my opinion, my intrapersonal development matured rapidly due to the experiences of living with other women and my mother’s daily absence. Pizzolato, Nguyen, Johnston, & Wang (2012) note that in order for people to successfully respond to the intrapersonal (Who am I?) question, they must understand the “selfways” of their socialization. Selfways are culturally constructed and imparted on the individual (Pizzolato, Nguyen, Johnston, & Wang, 2012). They are the “outcome of socialization and are claimed as the community’s idea of what it means to be a person, based on normative ideas of how to be in relationships” (Pizzolato, Nguyen, Johnston, & Wang, 2012). My socialization was a complex mixture of battling what I desired for myself and what I was surrounded by. I wanted the relationships that my friends were having with their mother’s, I wanted to not hold this daunting secret, and I wanted to be normal like other children in two parent households. However, this was not and has not been my life. I recognized my difference at a very young age, where my peers were not exposed to high levels of dissonance or responsibility and maturity in the manner I had to balance. And that this balance was my normal. What we have control over (object) and elements that have control over us (subject), …show more content…
We are three generations of women who have been amazingly resilient in their life experiences. Although I did not live with my mother on a daily basis, she still imparted her wisdom and her expectations upon me. The pain she experienced with what she called “losing her child,” transformed into an example of resiliency and strength for me. Porter & Dean (2015) relayed “stories of survival,” where the strength of African American female mothers, is a direct result of the success of their daughters. Because she lived this experience with me, I admire how persistent she was in being visible and engaged in spite of our circumstance. She tried her best to never miss anything of importance, and she always took the opportunity to be engaged and visible. As I have grown into adulthood, my mother has become central in my world. As a result of previous dissonance (Pizzolato, Nguyen, Johnston, & Wang, 2012) which transformed many of the subjects controlling my life (Kegan, 1982), we have a unique relationship. Porter & Dean (2015) noted “the values their mothers instilled became important aspects of participants’ characters” (p.136). I began to dictate my environment and my time; as a result, I am connected to her and she is embodied in my